Ye Coach & Horses
7617 W. Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90046
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It is with deep sadness and painful lament that we report another one of our Dives, Ye Coach & Horses, will be closing after 73 years of business because of a leasing issue. Not even the employees know exactly when the closure will happen, but as if it were a patient on his deathbed, its important that we all make an effort to drop by and pay our last respects before he passes. Therefore, this week, WDBT is calling an audible and switching from Westwood to Hollywood in order to give this fine establishment the send-off it deserves.

Ye Coach & Horses was more than just a historic Hollywood landmark, it represented a boundary on the World Dive Bar Tour, dividing Sunset Boulevard between overpriced, hoity-toity douchebaggery and easy-going, pabst-chuggin’ rock n’ roll. It was our Gateway Arch, our Statue of Liberty, marking the entrance into a new world of old; the east-Hollywood dive. And a landmark it was, unique in all respects from its narrow, Tudor-style interior, capturing the essence of a 16th century pub to the motley clientele, some of whom look like they might have stepped out of the 16th century.  While a great deal more could be written about this fine establishment, nothing can compare to an actual memory seared into one’s consciousness–so make it happen for your first time or last time on Wednesday while the doors are still open.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince."

–Walter - The Big Lebowski

Tony’s Saloon
2017 E. 7th St.
Los Angeles, CA 90021
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This Wednesday the tour will throw Los Angeles a bone. Or more specifically, throw the Los Angeles bar scene a bone. As a careful reader of this humble newsletter and as a casual attendee of the tour you will likely know that we consistently rage, rage against the dying of the light. For each dive bar where the spark of perfect accessibility is fed into the incinerator of velvet ropes, doormen, and cocktails sporting infusions of acai berries, we shed a tear and often light a few devotional candles to St. Petersburg del Florida, the patron saint of dive bars.

This week we visit Tony’s Saloon, which is not really a dive, but more of a neo-dive. Owned by the same group behind The Golden Gopher and Seven Grand, Tony’s is located at the far eastern extent of the normal dive bar territories, well off the beaten path, in the midst of the confounding hybrid industrial trendy loft landscape between Skid Row and the Los Angeles river. Tony’s offers a quality pool table, darts, and a ping pong table on the patio. There is free parking in the lot right next to the bar, but carpool if you plan on attempting to make your way through the whiskey list…. as it is much longer the those offered at our usual dives.

And, if the scene is just way to upstanding for your taste, feel free to head back west on 7th street a few blocks to Campers Corner; a dive so deep it doesn’t even have a yelp review to its name and may also be a check cashing service. We might just decline to join ya.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & where the hell is Travis? - WDBT Co-czars

"Everyone kept telling me, Just be yourself. Be yourself. I kept thinking, there’s got to be more to it than that!" -Tony Danza

Club Tee Gee
3210 Glendale Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90039
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It’s Wednesday afternoon. Dive bar begins in a few short hours, and the drinking public is in a state of panic. The resident Czar expert on Club Tee Gee has gone AWOL. Fallen off the grid. Most likely off on another bender of raging on barley wine… or designing a middle school. You never know with that guy. Fear not though, for the World Dive Bar Tour always goes on.

Having never been to Club Tee Gee, I can tell you that it’s a bar on Glendale Blvd, with a neon sign in a funny font that looks like it says, "Club Tee Yee". Do not be fooled, though. The name of this bar is "Club Tee Gee", and that’s a very nice name for a bar. Although the name sounds somewhat like "Club Tiki", I am also reasonably certain that it is not a tiki bar. But it could be. You never know. Since I am also uncertain whether they take credit cards, I would also suggest bringing some cash. Even if they take credit cards, it’s always a good idea to carry some cash, just in case. With those details out of the way, I now implore you to join me this evening, in heading off into this great unknown.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & where the hell is Travis? - WDBT Co-czars

"It all adds up. He stole somebody’s hair, made a wig, knocked out the guard, tunneled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candied apple on his way to Mexico" — Maebe Funke

3rd Annual SP Classic
RED LINE TOUR

FIRST HOLE:
Phillippe’s French Dip
1001 N. Alameda St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012

More than a year and a half has passed since we last had a contest of champions . This year we will be giving the San Pedro greens keepers* a respite. This year we will be taking the tour below the streets of LA! We will tee off just outside of Union Station at Philippe’s and enjoy the history of railroads depicted on the walls. From there, we will all buy $5 Metro Day Passes (as a greens fee) and hop on on the subway to our next set of holes. We will continue following the Red Line stopping at bars along the way until we reach Hollywood.

For those unfamiliar with the game, Bar Golf combines the best elements of a pub crawl with a variety of rules derived from that fabled club and ball sport invented by the Dutch and popularized by the Scotts. Each bar serves as a different hole, with a scorecard of drinks of varying difficulty corresponding to golf nomenclature of "Pars", "Birdies", "Eagles" and so on. Other familiar golf concepts also apply, including water hazards (vomiting penalty) and mulligans (spilt beverages). Bear in mind that, whereas in real golf, shooting a hole in one on every hole is merely highly improbable, in bar golf, attempting to do so will result in a hospital visit and stomach pumping. Bar golf is a sport of moderation and pacing, where the tortoise oftentimes does beat the hare.

Some of the holes we will be visiting include World Dive Bar Tour favorites like the White Horse Inn and Powerhouse. We have added a number of new venues like Gallery Bar, nestled in the bosom of the Biltmore Hotel and the MacArthur Park flavor of the Tango Room.

Come to compete; come to caddy*; come to watch. Golf wear is encouraged. If you want to compete or would like to volunteer to caddy, please RSVP to divebar@worlddivebartour.com (or post a note saying so on the facebook invite wall) so that we can arrange transportation and caddies accordingly. This year’s winner will receive the coveted ‘green jacket’ with commemorative patch, and all competitors will receive prizes fitting this vaunted occasion.

For the first time this year, golfers who finish the course will get to compete in a bonus whole where a particularly garish set of golfwear can get them a whole in one, a birdie or an eagle.

Carpe Drink’em,

Nate, Auxiliary Captain

*Greens keeper: Dive Bar Proprietors
** Caddy: Designated Driver, score keeper, shepherd

View Red Line Tour in a larger map

Whitehorse Inn
1532 N. Western Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

The Whitehorse Inn is a Hollywood institution and a true dive, down to the crimson and black decor, solid jukebox, cheap drinks, and eccentric patrons. In an eerie juxtaposition, though, there is also homey feel provided by its friendly elderly hostess passing around platters of chips, crackers, and microwaved hotdogs to you in the welcoming comforts and prelapsarian familiarity of the ratty couches in the sitting area, thus blending the emotions brought on by a traditional dive with those of your kind-hearted grandma’s living room.

Throw in the fact that the bar is situated under East Hollywood’s most popular hotel for transexual hookers and their clientele, and the bar begins to truly feel like a visit to grandma’s — if you and your grandmother both led sinful lives and reconvened in hell to reminisce on fond family memories. In short, it’s one of our favorite bars, and we do hope you’ll join us.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Poverty was an ornament on a learned man like a red ribbon on a white horse" - Anzia Yezierska  

El Cid
4212 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90029
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This year’s calendar presents an intriguing conundrum to the WDBT Executive Committee, with the unrivaled boozing holiday of old St. Patty’s falling on our beloved Wednesdays for the first time in the tour’s existence. You might think that such an astrological alignment would be considered auspicious by your humble schedule-makers, but that would make you an idiot. St. Patty’s is a horrible holiday for a dive bar true-believer. The worst. We on The Tour believe firmly in the sanctity of the lonely barstool where a man can drown his sorrows without some pop-collared brohamulus spilling green beer all over his backside. Every St. Patty’s, our favorite dives are swarmed by such cretins — in particular the haunts with Irish-ish names — leaving us to seek refuge in a location overlooked by the unkempt, "Kiss Me, I’m Shit-Faced" t-shirt wearing masses.

Enter El Cid, a Spanish-style Flamenco bar with a sprawling patio that provides plenty of room to escape any invasions of beshamrocked interlopers who might successfully navigate the bar’s treacherous brick staircase entryway. El Cid features cheap drinks for a mostly reasonable price, live music most nights, and is known in particular for its rather charming weekend flamenco shows. But on Wednesdays, the place is as dead as Cory Haim. Which is exactly what we’re looking for.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive late and find people having too good a time with their green boas and leprechaun charms, odds are we’ve called an audible and headed for Tiki Ti or the 4100 to try our luck elsewhere on this highly unpredictable night for dives.

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

Little Joy Cocktails
1477 W. Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90026
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With Los Angeles being one of the most "single" cities in America you more than likely spent this past weekend protesting the corporatism of Valentine’s Day, convincing yourself that there is more to life than roses, chocolate hearts, and Garry Marshall films. "True love exists only inside an ice-cold can of Schlitz served by a bartender who opens it with a bowie knife," you told yourself. Perhaps you reminisced that it was under the sagging ceiling of a dark Echo Park groggery where you shared a deep connection with eclectic men and women who exemplified the bar’s namesake.

You were pining for Little Joy Cocktails, the dilapidated Sunset dive where loneliness and despair make the drinks taste better and where there’s always room on the walls to carve or paint the profane word or phrase that best describes your state of mind. Come prepared with thick-soled shoes and at least a tenner (enough for 3 beers). The cheap drinks and cozy ambiance are a solid alternative to a night at home listening to Eric Carmen and watching The Deer Hunter.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

Jumbo’s Clown Room
5153 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90027
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As the name suggests, Jumbo’s Clown Room is a magical place that some would think lives only in the mind of an innocent child. It is a relief to us all that this land of prelapsarian wonder does exist, and it does so in an East Hollywood strip-mall, in a neighborhood predominantly consisting of Thai restaurants.

From the outside, Jumbo’s bears the same sort of anonymous facade as most destinations on the tour, but inside exists freakish, yet undeniably alluring sights and sounds worthy of P.T. Barnum himself. The drink selection and pricing is that of your standard Hollywood dive, and the jukebox is strictly rock and roll, with each song carefully selected by the outgoing and friendly employees. Credit cards are accepted, however it is encouraged that you bring cash. Preferably singles.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of big guys like you, pickin’ on a poor little orphan like him. Suppose you was torn away from your mother when you was just a baby. Nobody to tuck you in at nights. No warm, soft, caressin’ trunk to snuzzle into. How would you like to be left out alone, in a cold, cruel, heartless woild? And why? I ask ya, why? Just because he’s got those big ears, they call him a freak. The laughing stock of the circus. And when his mother tried to protect him, they threw her into the clink. And on top of that, they made him a clown! Socially he’s washed up! Ah, but what’s the use of talkin’ to you cold-hearted boids? Go ahead. Have your fun. Laugh at him. Kick him now that he’s down. Go on! I don’t care."

- Timothy Q. Mouse, Dumbo

Smog Cutter
864 N. Virgil Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90029
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Step through the curtain into in this legendary Silver Lake establishment, and you’ll promptly be greeted by one of three Thai sisters, eager to check your ID. Don’t worry if you happen to be under age, though, as these ladies wouldn’t hesitate to serve a 12 year old — the thoroughness of ID checking is simply so that they can memorize your name, and call you by it for the rest of the night. Under ordinary circumstances, this level of interest in their bar’s patrons would be considered an exemplary model of customer service, except that the things they’ll be calling you for the rest of the night will not be very nice.

This is the Smog Cutter, after all — embodying either the best, or the worst, of all things dive. The place reeks of mildew, the service goes out of their way to insult you, and the drinks are warm and, surprisingly, a little overpriced given just how dire the surroundings are. But still we on the World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee not only keep coming back for more, but have granted the Smog Cutter the honor of kicking off our 2010 calendar — a year that will undoubtedly be our best and boldest yet.

Many anecdotes come to mind to sum up all that is the Smog Cutter, from instances of crotch grabbings by the bartenders, to glass-shattering displays of karaoke madness, but it really all comes down to one member of the Executive Committee sitting with her hand on the bar, as a cockroach came scampering over her arm. With a quick "whack!", the cockroach was disposed of by a quick-thinking Czar, but the noise caused Sunshine, the legendary lead bartender, to come running.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Sunshine, "You kill Susie!"

As Sunshine cradled the dead roach in her hand, she took a closer look and, with a sigh of relief exclaimed…

"Ah, don’t worry. It just George."

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You must have known that I was lonely, because you came to my rescue. And I know that this must be heaven, how could so much love be inside of you?"

- Stevie Wonder

Snake Pit
7529 Melrose Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90046
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Falsely rumored to be owned by G&R’s Slash, the Snake Pit bears an ambiance that any rock star can appreciate - from the gentle glow of neon beer signs to torn-vinyl stools and a fine selection of beers. Pay with a credit card and your receipt will actually read "The Steak Pit," providing you with irrefutable evidence when you tell your boss or wife that you were among your meat-loving friends eating your dinner rather than drinking it. The Pit also sports one of those internet jukeboxes that have gained popularity in recent years, but the unwritten code for acceptable music in a dive bar still applies. If you’re tempted by the technology to search for and play your favorite Mariah Carrey or Lady Gaga song, all I can say is, I hope you can run fast or fight like Chuck Liddell.

Given its location in the heart of Melrose, it’s not uncommon to run into familiar faces from TV and film at the Snake Pit. During the WDBT’s last visit, one of our tour attendees who is hopelessly devoted to The Gilmore Girls (don’t jump to conclusions about his masculinity) spotted Shelley Cole across the bar and stared at her until his pants dried and he had mustered the courage to approach her. Finally, with a clammy palm and broken sentences he managed to introduce himself. Flattered by his charm and unfazed by the stain on his trousers, Shelley carried on with him for the remainder of the evening as the WDBT looked on encouragingly. The two of them were even spotted locking lips at one point although our view might have been obscured by the dark room. He insists there was a kiss. Needless to say, our friend didn’t get Shelley’s number but rather she divulged hints about her character in the upcoming season.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9:00 and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink or stay for one too many. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many, bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drinkem,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

Indiana: "Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?"
Sallah: "Asps. Very dangerous. You go first."

- Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark