Jumbo’s Clown Room
5153 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

As the name suggests, Jumbo’s Clown Room is a magical place that some would think lives only in the mind of an innocent child. It is a relief to us all that this land of prelapsarian wonder does exist, and it does so in an East Hollywood strip-mall, in a neighborhood predominantly consisting of Thai restaurants.

From the outside, Jumbo’s bears the same sort of anonymous facade as most destinations on the tour, but inside exists freakish, yet undeniably alluring sights and sounds worthy of P.T. Barnum himself. The drink selection and pricing is that of your standard Hollywood dive, and the jukebox is strictly rock and roll, with each song carefully selected by the outgoing and friendly employees. Credit cards are accepted, however it is encouraged that you bring cash. Preferably singles.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of big guys like you, pickin’ on a poor little orphan like him. Suppose you was torn away from your mother when you was just a baby. Nobody to tuck you in at nights. No warm, soft, caressin’ trunk to snuzzle into. How would you like to be left out alone, in a cold, cruel, heartless woild? And why? I ask ya, why? Just because he’s got those big ears, they call him a freak. The laughing stock of the circus. And when his mother tried to protect him, they threw her into the clink. And on top of that, they made him a clown! Socially he’s washed up! Ah, but what’s the use of talkin’ to you cold-hearted boids? Go ahead. Have your fun. Laugh at him. Kick him now that he’s down. Go on! I don’t care."

- Timothy Q. Mouse, Dumbo

Club Tee Gee
3210 Glendale Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90039

It’s Wednesday afternoon. Dive bar begins in a few short hours, and the drinking public is in a state of panic. The resident Czar expert on Club Tee Gee has gone AWOL. Fallen off the grid. Most likely off on another bender of raging on barley wine… or designing a middle school. You never know with that guy. Fear not though, for the World Dive Bar Tour always goes on.

Having never been to Club Tee Gee, I can tell you that it’s a bar on Glendale Blvd, with a neon sign in a funny font that looks like it says, "Club Tee Yee". Do not be fooled, though. The name of this bar is "Club Tee Gee", and that’s a very nice name for a bar. Although the name sounds somewhat like "Club Tiki", I am also reasonably certain that it is not a tiki bar. But it could be. You never know. Since I am also uncertain whether they take credit cards, I would also suggest bringing some cash. Even if they take credit cards, it’s always a good idea to carry some cash, just in case. With those details out of the way, I now implore you to join me this evening, in heading off into this great unknown.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & where the hell is Travis? - WDBT Co-czars

"It all adds up. He stole somebody’s hair, made a wig, knocked out the guard, tunneled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candied apple on his way to Mexico" — Maebe Funke

Hyperion Tavern
1941 Hyperion Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90232

Due to 4th of July holiday conflicts our dive bar plans will take an unexpected turn. Rather than celebrate the upcoming holiday just under the Santa Monica pier at Big Deans (which has been held until July 16th) we will sweep into Silverlake for a dive bar you might have driven by a million times without ever knowing it was there. Note the address and cross streets carefully, look for an old school barber shop pole light marking the door of what seems to be a firetrap of a garage one spark from an insurance payout, and duck into one of the most unique bars we have ever been to.

The Hyperion Tavern has it quirks. There is only a small selection of beers available and none of the hard stuff, the walls are lined with a full collection of classic law books (the reason for such eludes explanation), two ornate chandeliers light the space hung from exposed rafters, and a small rickety stage anchors the south end of the room. But it is this very stage which brings us here tonight, as it is on this stage where you will take on Guitar Hero Night. Starting around 10pm (allowing some time for some pre-game beverages) the bartenders will boot up the overhead projector and eager patrons will take a number deli style for a chance to compete for the best face-melting guitar solo of the night. And if you are lucky the bartender might let you use their custom made full size axe.

The queue might fill up quick, so come early if you want to get in before the real heavy hitters appear out the woodwork. If your fingers are bit rusty it would be good to get in early as just like any good Karaoke bar, the queue can fill up quick when the real die-hards show up and then hold the floor like Gordon Brown before parliament.

Other nights of the week the Hyperion Tavern offers hipster DJ’s and wacky live bands but on Wednesdays it really shines, and luckily this is the night we go out on our dive bar mission.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"I REMEMBER EVERYTHING! I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday. I was barely 17, and I once killed a boy with a Fender guitar. I don’t remember if it was a telecaster or a stratocaster, but I do remember that it had a heart of chrome and a voice like a horny angel! I don’t remember if it was a telecaster or a stratocaster, but I do remember that it wasn’t at all easy. It required the perfect combination of the right power chords and the precise angle from which to strike. The guitar bled for about a week afterward, and the blood was dark and rich like wild berries. The blood of the guitar was chuck berry red. The guitar bled for about a week afterward, but it rung out beautifully! And I was able to play notes that I had never even heard before. So…I…took my guitar and I smashed it against the wall! I smashed it against the floor! I smashed it against the body of a varsity cheerleader! I smashed it against the hood of a car. Smashed it against a 1981 Harley Davidson! The Harley howled in pain! The guitar howled in heat! And I ran up the stairs to my parents’ bedroom. Mommy and Daddy were sleeping in the moonlight. Slowly I opened the door, creeping in the shadows right up to the foot of their bed. I raised the guitar high above my head, and just as I was about to bring the guitar crashing down into the center of the bed my father woke up screaming, "STOP! WAIT A MINUTE! STOP IT, BOY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?! That’s not way to treat an expensive musical intrument!" And I said, "GOD DAMMIT DADDY! You know I love you. But you got a HELLUVA LOT TO LEARN ABOUT ROCK AND ROLL!!!!!"

– Meat Loaf

Whitehorse Inn
1532 N. Western Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

The Whitehorse Inn is a Hollywood institution and a true dive, down to the crimson and black decor, solid jukebox, cheap drinks, and eccentric patrons. In an eerie juxtaposition, though, there is also homey feel provided by its friendly elderly hostess passing around platters of chips, crackers, and microwaved hotdogs to you in the welcoming comforts and prelapsarian familiarity of the ratty couches in the sitting area, thus blending the emotions brought on by a traditional dive with those of your kind-hearted grandma’s living room.

Throw in the fact that the bar is situated under East Hollywood’s most popular hotel for transexual hookers and their clientele, and the bar begins to truly feel like a visit to grandma’s — if you and your grandmother both led sinful lives and reconvened in hell to reminisce on fond family memories. In short, it’s one of our favorite bars, and we do hope you’ll join us.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

“Poverty was an ornament on a learned man like a red ribbon on a white horse” - Anzia Yezierska

The Gold Room
1558 W. Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90026

A common misconception regarding Cinco de Mayo is the belief that it honors Mexico’s independence. In fact, it merely celebrates General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín’s victory in the town of Puebla, which served to slightly delay the French army’s march toward Mexico City. This victory stands alongside the Alamo and the Oaxacan teacher’s strike of 2006 as one of the most successful slaughters in Mexican military history. Another common misconception regarding Cinco de Mayo is that the holiday should be celebrated on May 5th. In fact, as any astute observer of Mexican culture and language will tell you, Cinco de Mayo is on May 7th.

So, in celebration of this noble holiday, we visit Echo Park’s fabled Gold Room for an evening of Mexican culture at its finest. If one were to take a 1984 El Camino with a glistening neon purple undercarriage, chili pepper lights lining the windows, an airbrushed Virgin de Guadeloupe on the hood, and flames shooting out the exhaust, and then wave a magic wand to turn it into a bar, the Gold Room would be that bar. It is a magical place where a $1 tequila shot is expected as accompaniment for every beer, an old man in a gaucho hat offers you peanuts, popcorn and occasionally steak picado, and unlike most other Mexican bars in the neighborhood, our band of gringos can safely enter without causing all conversations to halt as the record needle lifts off a Julio Preciado album.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Democrazy is the destiny of humanity; freedom its indestructible arm."

-Benito Juárez

Footsie’s
2640 N Figueroa Street
Los Angeles, CA 90065

This week the world dive bar tour steps off our well worn path between downtown and the westside, and heads to a seldom visited corner of Los Angeles. Yet in so doing, we will return to one of the finest gems of divebardom in our fair city. Located in Cypress Park on a hardscrabble block of North Figueroa, Footsies offers us a step back in time, a step back to basics, and the last step before the 12 steps.

The last time the tour darkened the fine door of this establishment the place was a little worse for wear. The pool table was broken, one saloon door was loose on its hinges, and worst of all, there was a notice of impending construction posted near the entrance. That night we drank hard and feared the worst; that a DJ pulpit would replace the aging jukebox, a dance floor would replace the pool table, and a doorman would be posted out front - forever sequestering the memories of the time the bar was a fine dive.

But do not be afraid, for none of this has come to pass. In fact, the bar has never looked better. Whatever work was done simply brought the shine back to the worn surfaces, dimness back to the lights, sparkle back to the copious number of naked lady paintings, pool back to the table, and new vinyl padding to a now securely attached pair of saloon doors. There are even a couple of classy beers on tap and a PBR happy hour special. In all, the perfect dive bar experience awaits.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"Playing footsies or footsie is a practice in which people use their feet to play with each other’s feet. This generally involves slipping their shoes off under a table and rubbing their bare feet and soles against one another or up their partner’s leg."

-Wikipedia

Cosmos Saloon
333 E 1st St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012

For those who have followed the ebb and flow of dive bar for many years, the name Cosmos might sound very familiar. Last season, on an ill fated full moon, we attempted to visit this fine establishment. Unfortunately for the intrepid group of dive bar goers that night, on the dutch door of the bar entrance a handwritten note was posted. Written mostly Japanese characters, it was the final line in English which hurt the most. "Bar Close Tonight." Those assembled, who had gathered for the promise of a Japanese pre-’scent of a woman’ Al Pacino bartender, karaoke in languages we can’t even speak, and Suntory Whiskey, found solace in a nearby shady hostess bar followed by a local brewery.

On that night, just like General Douglas MacArthur in retreat from the Philippines in the face of Japanese aggression, we of the WDBT vowed to return.

This week marks the day we make good on that promise, and return to Little Tokyo. Where with the help of a few big bottles of Kirin, we will be belting out Japanese pop songs like regulars, smoking an odd cigarette, swapping stories with the old man who always seems to be firmly planted at the bar, and otherwise raising quite a ruckus. Comfortable with the knowledge that in this Cosmos, yes, we can all be a star. Just remember - no dancing.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Here we are. Earth. Full of things as usual."

-King of All Cosmos

Spot Light Room
1601 N. Cahuenga
Los Angeles, CA 90028

The 2008 Valentines Day spectacular has arrived, and what better location than the only bar in Los Angeles where Czars on a scouting mission have ever received overt sexual advances from the management: Hollywood’s Spot Light Room, which stands alongside Power House as the last of the true dives remaining in Hollywood. On a corner of the Cahuenga Corridor overrun with upscale establishments for the “Hollywood” crowd, the Spot Light Room beams with immeasurable pride as the location most visitors to this stretch walk quickly past, with nary a thought to the glory inside.

A colorful flag adorns the outside, complimented by colorful neon beer signs on the inside, and as a point of curiosity, while the women’s restroom is locked up like a bank vault, the men’s room features the swinging saloon style doors befitting the entrance to any great dive. In this town of velvet ropes and burly doormen, the Spot Light Room welcomes all income levels, job descriptions, races, creeds, genders, ages, and sexual orientations in a wholehearted embrace into the bosom of its friendly hosts, regulars, cheap drinks, and plentiful bar games. In fact, play your cards right, gentlemen, and you’ll be granted passage to free rounds, Aretha Franklin jukebox songs dedicated in your honor, and a handwritten note with a phone number in Westchester.

For parking in this problematic Hollywood area, bypass the local valet stands and journey just south of Sunset and in the direction of Wilcox for a cornucopia of available spots, or drive up the ramp of the LA Film School (and former Klasky Csupo building) on Ivar and Selma, where if you can properly carry yourself like a douchebag film student past security, free parking is always available.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

“Let me tell you a secret: I got a lot of money I can put in your hole”

-Co-Czar Damien’s Admirer

WDBT 2007 was an epic year. Unforgettable Wednesday nights; the birth of the Extension; attendance has grown substantially, swelling with quality people; not to mention the San Pedro Classic!

The official WDBT 2008 calendar doesn’t start until next week. But if you are anything like me, you are going through dive bar withdrawal. And January 16th can’t come soon enough.

To heal your woes, we are proud to bring you the World Dive Bar Tour 2008 Preview at Amagi’s (brought to you by WDBT Extension). Nothing calms the shakes like a little bit of karaoke and a lot of Blue Moon. And no where can you get as elegant a balance of the very best and the very worst entertainment Hollywood has to offer. Every trip to Amagi’s leaves the sojourner with a tale to tell. And do I really even need to remind you of the one and only karaoke ninja?

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,
Nate
Auxiliary Captain

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WEDNESDAY, December 12th, 2007

Coach and Horses
7617 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90046 (Hollywood)

This is it. 23 dive bars down, one to go. And while we can’t really say that we saved the best for last, we can say we left the Coach and Horses last for a all the right reasons. Centered in the heart of our fine city easily accessible for a west-sider, down-towner, or valley-dweller, Coach and Horses offers all the charm of an English pub from the far side of the pond right down to the surly bartenders, Strongbow Cider, and a curry house next door. Despite its long history of being the choice locale of up-and-coming rock stars who need to get ripped on the twenty bucks they made playing the Whiskey over the weekend, part of what makes this bar unique is that, after a drink or two, its ambiance causes one to forget he’s even in Hollywood.

C&H offers a full bar and a quality collection of bottles and cans filled with various tasty liquids. With a few choice macro brews available for three dollars each. But if you get a 22oz Fat Tire for 6 bucks, things even out in the wash. Just plan ahead, as this joint is cash only and won’t take kindly to attempts to barter for your beverage. Trust us, we tried.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”

~Jack Handey