Jumbo’s Clown Room
5153 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

As the name suggests, Jumbo’s Clown Room is a magical place that some would think lives only in the mind of an innocent child. It is a relief to us all that this land of prelapsarian wonder does exist, and it does so in an East Hollywood strip-mall, in a neighborhood predominantly consisting of Thai restaurants.

From the outside, Jumbo’s bears the same sort of anonymous facade as most destinations on the tour, but inside exists freakish, yet undeniably alluring sights and sounds worthy of P.T. Barnum himself. The drink selection and pricing is that of your standard Hollywood dive, and the jukebox is strictly rock and roll, with each song carefully selected by the outgoing and friendly employees. Credit cards are accepted, however it is encouraged that you bring cash. Preferably singles.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of big guys like you, pickin’ on a poor little orphan like him. Suppose you was torn away from your mother when you was just a baby. Nobody to tuck you in at nights. No warm, soft, caressin’ trunk to snuzzle into. How would you like to be left out alone, in a cold, cruel, heartless woild? And why? I ask ya, why? Just because he’s got those big ears, they call him a freak. The laughing stock of the circus. And when his mother tried to protect him, they threw her into the clink. And on top of that, they made him a clown! Socially he’s washed up! Ah, but what’s the use of talkin’ to you cold-hearted boids? Go ahead. Have your fun. Laugh at him. Kick him now that he’s down. Go on! I don’t care."

- Timothy Q. Mouse, Dumbo

Whitehorse Inn
1532 N. Western Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

The Whitehorse Inn is a Hollywood institution and a true dive, down to the crimson and black decor, solid jukebox, cheap drinks, and eccentric patrons. In an eerie juxtaposition, though, there is also homey feel provided by its friendly elderly hostess passing around platters of chips, crackers, and microwaved hotdogs to you in the welcoming comforts and prelapsarian familiarity of the ratty couches in the sitting area, thus blending the emotions brought on by a traditional dive with those of your kind-hearted grandma’s living room.

Throw in the fact that the bar is situated under East Hollywood’s most popular hotel for transexual hookers and their clientele, and the bar begins to truly feel like a visit to grandma’s — if you and your grandmother both led sinful lives and reconvened in hell to reminisce on fond family memories. In short, it’s one of our favorite bars, and we do hope you’ll join us.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

“Poverty was an ornament on a learned man like a red ribbon on a white horse” - Anzia Yezierska

Spot Light Room
1601 N. Cahuenga
Los Angeles, CA 90028

The 2008 Valentines Day spectacular has arrived, and what better location than the only bar in Los Angeles where Czars on a scouting mission have ever received overt sexual advances from the management: Hollywood’s Spot Light Room, which stands alongside Power House as the last of the true dives remaining in Hollywood. On a corner of the Cahuenga Corridor overrun with upscale establishments for the “Hollywood” crowd, the Spot Light Room beams with immeasurable pride as the location most visitors to this stretch walk quickly past, with nary a thought to the glory inside.

A colorful flag adorns the outside, complimented by colorful neon beer signs on the inside, and as a point of curiosity, while the women’s restroom is locked up like a bank vault, the men’s room features the swinging saloon style doors befitting the entrance to any great dive. In this town of velvet ropes and burly doormen, the Spot Light Room welcomes all income levels, job descriptions, races, creeds, genders, ages, and sexual orientations in a wholehearted embrace into the bosom of its friendly hosts, regulars, cheap drinks, and plentiful bar games. In fact, play your cards right, gentlemen, and you’ll be granted passage to free rounds, Aretha Franklin jukebox songs dedicated in your honor, and a handwritten note with a phone number in Westchester.

For parking in this problematic Hollywood area, bypass the local valet stands and journey just south of Sunset and in the direction of Wilcox for a cornucopia of available spots, or drive up the ramp of the LA Film School (and former Klasky Csupo building) on Ivar and Selma, where if you can properly carry yourself like a douchebag film student past security, free parking is always available.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

“Let me tell you a secret: I got a lot of money I can put in your hole”

-Co-Czar Damien’s Admirer

WDBT 2007 was an epic year. Unforgettable Wednesday nights; the birth of the Extension; attendance has grown substantially, swelling with quality people; not to mention the San Pedro Classic!

The official WDBT 2008 calendar doesn’t start until next week. But if you are anything like me, you are going through dive bar withdrawal. And January 16th can’t come soon enough.

To heal your woes, we are proud to bring you the World Dive Bar Tour 2008 Preview at Amagi’s (brought to you by WDBT Extension). Nothing calms the shakes like a little bit of karaoke and a lot of Blue Moon. And no where can you get as elegant a balance of the very best and the very worst entertainment Hollywood has to offer. Every trip to Amagi’s leaves the sojourner with a tale to tell. And do I really even need to remind you of the one and only karaoke ninja?

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,
Nate
Auxiliary Captain

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WEDNESDAY, December 12th, 2007

Coach and Horses
7617 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90046 (Hollywood)

This is it. 23 dive bars down, one to go. And while we can’t really say that we saved the best for last, we can say we left the Coach and Horses last for a all the right reasons. Centered in the heart of our fine city easily accessible for a west-sider, down-towner, or valley-dweller, Coach and Horses offers all the charm of an English pub from the far side of the pond right down to the surly bartenders, Strongbow Cider, and a curry house next door. Despite its long history of being the choice locale of up-and-coming rock stars who need to get ripped on the twenty bucks they made playing the Whiskey over the weekend, part of what makes this bar unique is that, after a drink or two, its ambiance causes one to forget he’s even in Hollywood.

C&H offers a full bar and a quality collection of bottles and cans filled with various tasty liquids. With a few choice macro brews available for three dollars each. But if you get a 22oz Fat Tire for 6 bucks, things even out in the wash. Just plan ahead, as this joint is cash only and won’t take kindly to attempts to barter for your beverage. Trust us, we tried.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”

~Jack Handey

With apologies for the recent scheduling turmoil, The Valley Spectacular has been postponed in order to allow for the World Dive Bar Tour’s Emperor of Burbank and Protector of the Northern Territories, M. Gustavo DeKalb, ample time to prepare the badlands of "the Valley" for the tour’s triumphant arrival. Gustavo is presently doing his utmost to ensure that this strange and uncivilized land to the North will be ready, negotiating peace with the savage native tribes, and ensuring that the high standards expected of a WDBT destination will be in place, even in this barbarian frontier outpost of Burbank.

To make up to our followers for our fluctuating schedule, this Wednesday we put in the Valley Spectacular’s place a true gem of The Tour: Jumbo’s Clown Room, and offer a door prize of free appropriately-themed t-shirts to the first 3 ladies to arrive. Jumbo’s is, simply put, the nexus of Hollywood Dreams and economic reality. A modern day Schwab’s Pharmacy, where the spirit of Horatio Alger with an LA twist drives the courage, compassion, and determination of starlets in waiting, Jumbo’s Clown Room also offers moderately priced drinks, clown-themed decor, and, of course, entertainment.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00 . Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"Aw, being a clown sucks! You get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and admired by the elderly. Who am I clowning? I have no business being a clown! I’m leaving the clowning business to all the other clowns in the clowning business." - Homer J. Simpson

Amagi Night Club
6144 W. Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028 (Hollywood)

East of Vine st. and north of Santa Monica blvd. lies a wild and untamed world of shock and awe — a would-be "circus" of civilization — that would be more appropriately named Hollyweird. It’s a land where trannys asking for change is commonplace and the novelty of Western-themed strip malls honoring the old days of Tinsletown has not worn off. Yet this strange land is no stranger to the World Dive Bar Tour and is home to one of our favorite stops, Amagi Night Club.

Nevermind the health department "C" in the window. All the mixed drinks are stiff enough prevent e-coli or dysentery from making the next day of your life a living hell. You’ll need them, anyhow, in order to enhance your karaoke performance. On our last visit, Peter Dinklage rolled in with his entourage and impressed us all with his rendition of "Eye of the Tiger."

However, no celebrity could match the gravitas and emotional impact of the famous Karaoke Ninja of Sunset. Arriving every Wednesday night, promptly at 10:43PM, just in time to have a drink and chew the fat with the regulars before taking the stage and stealing our hearts with a performance of November Rain that would make Axl himself bow in respect. It’s not to miss.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"One of us! One of us!"

- Freaks, Freaks

The Grasshopper Bar
5100 Fountain Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90029 (East Hollywood)

Located in the natural slough between the dive bar bastions of East Hollywood and Los Feliz, the Grasshopper is named for the mural which once graced the building’s Normandie elevation. Sadly, time has since erased all indications of this bar’s former glory, and the grasshopper mural has been covered by modern graffiti denoting which dangerous street gang presently controls narcotics distribution in the area. The latest LAPD "Gang Injunctions" maps show a violent turf war between the 18th Street Latinos to the south, and the Scientologists to the north. However, with only a black, painted door and no signs adorning the outside, it’s safe to assume that not one of L. Ron’s posse has ever ventured inside. You’ll have to wonder just how we even found the joint in the first place (Damien’s "18th Street" tattoo may provide some clues).

The complete anonymity from the outside hides the welcoming environs within, where, on the comfortable yet worn bar stools and booths, those on a budget will find that the Grasshopper is tailor made for the working man, boasting a reliable supply of cheap drinks poured by the lovely Loquecia. On a recent visit, a single Alexander Hamilton bought two domestics and an import for three thirsty drinkers, while an elderly man shooting pool in a sombrero sang along with the mariachi jukebox, claiming that the classic love ballad was written by his own uncle. So bring a 20 dollar bill, break a few quarters for the jukebox and a spot at the pool table, and sharpen your Spanish skills, as you will need them to play both. Most of all, come prepared for another truly amazing LA dive.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

Larry: How did they finally get to you?
Sam: They gave me a grasshopper.
Larry: What’s a grasshopper?
Sam: Let’s see… two parts gin, one part brandy, one part Creme de Menthe…

-Robert F-in’ DeNiro, Ronin

Whitehorse Inn
1532 N. Western Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

Whether it be a Karaoke Ninja, Thai twinks, or burlesque clowns, there is always something truly special about Hollywood dives east of Vine that sets them apart from the rest. We venture this week to the Whitehorse Inn on Western Avenue, affectionately dubbed by some as "skid-mark row." Why, you ask? Let’s just say that your walk to and from your car could be more entertaining than the bar itself.

Whitehorse Inn is situated in the middle of LA’s biggest tranny and john commercial district, so we advise you to beeline for the bar once you’ve parked and use discretion in casual conversations with strangers when you step outside for a smoke. If we haven’t scared you off yet, the Whitehorse actually offers some quality and unique attributes unlike any of the dives we visited.

The bar is owned and operated by and old Russian lady who, to this day, lives by the maxim that you can never have too much to eat. Wherever you sit, she’ll serve you bottomless bowls of pretzels and chips. Hang out by the bar after 10PM, and you might be lucky enough to grab a free hot dog, hot out of the microwave.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"Love put me wise to her love in disguise. She had the body of a Venus, Lord imagine my surprise"

- Steven Tyler

The Stone
5221 Hollywood Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90027

On a recent dive bar scouting trip, Co-Czars Alex and Damien stumbled their way into Thai Town landmark, The Stone. Impressed by the bar’s actual stone facade, the two entered to find remarkably friendly clientele who smiled pleasantly at the Czars upon their entrance. Once inside, the Czars were treated to cheap beers around the centrally located bar, two levels of comfortable lounging, and a decor of ancient Thai artifacts. The regulars were very interested in learning about the Co-Czar’s friendship, living arrangement, and whether or not the Czar’s were interested in something called "PNP".

These regulars covered a mix of demographics worthy of the great metropolis of LA, although on the night in question, very few women were present, and those in attendance were quite tall, with large hands and protruding Adam’s apples. Co-Czar Alex successfully obtained a phone number from one of them, but was thwarted in calling her three days later when a man, presumably her boyfriend, picked up the phone.

The dearth of females was all the more surprising given that the handsome bartenders were all shirtless, extremely out-going, and had minimal amounts of body fat. After a brief conference, the Czars concluded that, perhaps, women in LA simply aren’t attracted to effeminate, prepubescent-looking Thai men with minimal body hair. Which is a shame.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em (and yes, we’re really doing this),

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You need it so you don’t forget that there are places in this world that aren’t made out of stone. That there’s something inside that’s yours, that they can’t touch."

- Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption