World Dive Bar Tour » No-Man’s Land

February 8th, 2012: Big Fish Bar & Grill

World Dive Bar Tour — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:56:34 +0000

WEDNESDAY, February 8th, 2012

Big Fish Bar & Grill
5230 San Fernando Rd
Glendale, CA 91209
map

In years past we have warned about those dive bars which exist ‘off the map’ in areas populated by sea monsters, valley dwellers, and porn stars. This weeks dive bar doesn’t find any of those aforementioned monsters- just one Big Fish, a strong nautical theme, and locals up to their gills in cheap booze.

The bar is a fish out of water on its lonely stretch of San Fernando Road. Bordered by train tracks, surrounded on all sides by nameless light industrial warehouses, and accessible to the rest of the city only by a complicated negotiation of freeway off ramps and frontage roads. The bar itself, while it doesn’t seem to have a grill of any sort, does offer a weekly lineup of karaoke, live music, and open mic stand up comedy. Blessedly Wednesdays are reserved for hard drinking, but steel yourself for the drunks at the bar. Happy hour starts early in this part of town.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Travis, host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

“Truth is, I’ve always been thirsty.”
~Senior Ed Bloom, Big Fish (2003)

November 2nd, 2011: The Beacon

World Dive Bar Tour — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 21:59:19 +0000

WEDNESDAY, November 2nd, 2011

The Beacon
950 W Manchester Blvd.
Inglewood, CA 90301
map

If there were a bar where the bulk of the patronage is probably relaxing after emptying a few clips at the gun range down the street or at the Randy’s donuts a little further down the street, it would probably be called The Beacon.

Located on the north-western edge of Inglewood, minutes from LAX, The Beacon stretches the traditional boundaries of the Tour, but it does so for good reason. It’s cheap — this is a dive bar economy. It’s filthy — no good dive passes health inspection with flying colors. The people inside have no teeth and smell like ashtrays (at least the ones there when they open for lunch do). And you won’t find a more hospitable place to spend a layover, drown a lay-off, or get laid back for miles.

There’s plenty of fun to be had here for under $10. Enjoy a $3.25 macro-brew to the sound of billiard balls cracking and the din of 747s touching down in the distance. The Beacon’s squalid interior is complemented by its drab and weathered exterior in the midst of a derelict neighborhood of 1-story commercial tenements. What a perfect place for a dive bar! Street parking is ample. They may or may not take credit, so come with cash in hand. There are no ATMs within walking distance.

Carpe Drink’em,

Damien & Curtis; hosts

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

October 19th, 2011: Hank’s Bar

World Dive Bar Tour — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 19:02:12 +0000

WEDNESDAY, October 19th, 2011

Hank’s Bar
840 S. Grand Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90017
map

Downtown is no longer the desolate place it once was. In years past, the empty spaces between the skyscrapers were more reminiscent of the American Southwest with silent breezes echoing between empty plazas. Today the hubbub of modern life has encroached, with kids from the suburbs shivering in lines outside of trendy nightclubs on Spring Street and searchlights seek meaning above LA Live.

There are a few nooks which still evoke the days of old downtown, and Hank’s Bar is one of these. It sits in the base of the seedy Stillwell Hotel, our second Hotel adjacent bar in as many dive bar outings. While just a stones throw from FDIM students picking out low fat salad dressing at the downtown Ralphs or v-neck t-shirts ordering cocktails at a 7th Street nuevo lounges, Hank’s bar has a spot at the bar for the working class patron who just wants a bud light, free popcorn, and a few songs on the jukebox. While it has been over two years since we have visited Hank’s, it still has ‘Yesterdays Charm’ as the bar’s motto states.

And best of all, two years ago in the small fish tank behind the bar, a young turtle swam endlessly against the flow of the recirculating pump - reminiscent of those old dive bars such as Charlie O’s and Crabby Joes who were powerless to resist the gentrification of the downtown scene. Today, thankfully, the turtle is fully grown, and Hank’s is still with us. May it always be so.

Carpe Drink’em,

Travis, Brian, and Neil; hosts

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

“Looking for peace is like looking for a turtle with a mustache”

Ajahn Chah

September 28th, 2011: Back Door Pub

World Dive Bar Tour — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 19:50:40 +0000

WEDNESDAY, September 28th, 2011

Back Door Pub
813 South Flower Street
Los Angeles, CA 90017
map

Often on the Tour we escort our debauched devotees to dive bar landmarks. On a rare occasion, however, we have the pleasure to introduce our well-versed followers to a true unknown.

This week we venture into a recessed corner of downtown to check into the Back Door Pub at the Milner Hotel. With an entrance located off of the alley, this dreary dispensary of domestic lager is not your typical hotel bar. And why would it be? The Milner doesn’t really attract the convention crowd, choosing instead to advertise its accommodations through scanned photographs of hand-written customer surveys on its website. Feedback includes something that reads like “Feculent Hotel,” but upon further inspection is actually “Excellent Hotel.”

Very reassuring.

Navigate the hotel’s rear alley entrance (or, for the less adventurous, the main lobby entrance) and you’ll find that the Back Door Pub is neither a pub, nor directly accessible through the back door. Rather, the entry is located in the middle of a hallway and the bar itself feels a lot like an unfinished basement. But what it lacks in decoration it makes up for in dive bar comforts. Take for the example the self-serve popcorn machine, or the jukebox in the entry way greeting you like an old friend. There’s even a Golden Tee machine shoe-horned into a shadowy corner. Did I mention two for $5 on beer and wine for $2 a glass? Whiskey is cheap, too, and it’s served by a fresh-faced bartender who should be showing you his ID. Nevertheless, the service is adequate and seating is plentiful so invite your friends over for a nightcap at the Back Door Pub.

Carpe Drink’em,

Neil, host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

“Cause I’m a back door man/The men don’t know/But the little girls understand” – Willie Dixon, as interpreted by Jim Morrison

July 20th, 2011: The Oyster House Saloon

World Dive Bar Tour — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 04:16:23 +0000

WEDNESDAY, July 20th, 2011

The Oyster House Saloon
12446 Moorpark St.
Studio City, CA 91604
map

Proudly proclaiming itself as the "Best Seafood in L.A." without citation, and most frequently listed under "Seafood" rather than "Bar", the Oyster House Saloon is, secretly, a top-tier dive bar that also happens to offer a 1/2 dozen oysters for $5. An inquiry with the bartender, who then shouted the inquiry to the chef (the kitchen is crammed into the far end of the bar), determined that these oysters arrive frozen and pre-shucked, ensuring the highest quality and none of the health risks associated with fresh oysters. A Sam Adams seasonal was also $5, so we stuck with that.

With the exception of the tiny kitchen, a couple friendly waitresses buzzing about, and a few tables of old-timers slurping down giant bowls of linguini and clams for $17.95 (for Dive-priced eats look elsewhere, or choose carefully from the extensive menu, and bear in mind that a complimentary shot of peach vodka is included with your bill), everything about the Oyster House is classic dive bar. Drinks are exceptionally stiff and reasonably priced, and served at either the long inside bar, or the outdoor "beach" bar patio. Both areas get rowdy and wild as the night progresses, but the rowdiness is made endearing by the bar’s median age of 67.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00, but in this case things will also get really interesting around 8PM for any brave souls who show up early for the seafood dinner. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

June 8th, 2011: Tony’s Saloon

World Dive Bar Tour — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 03:56:55 +0000

WEDNESDAY, June 8th, 2011

Tony’ Saloon
2017 E. 7th St.
Los Angeles, CA 90021
map

This Wednesday the tour will throw Los Angeles a bone. Or more specifically, throw the Los Angeles bar scene a bone. As a careful reader of this humble newsletter and as a casual attendee of the tour you will likely know that we consistently rage, rage against the dying of the light. For each dive bar where the spark of perfect accessibility is fed into the incinerator of velvet ropes, doormen, and cocktails sporting infusions of acai berries, we shed a tear and often light a few devotional candles to St. Petersburg del Florida, the patron saint of dive bars.

This week we visit Tony’s Saloon, which is not really a dive, but more of a neo-dive. Owned by the same group behind The Golden Gopher and Seven Grand, Tony’s is located at the far eastern extent of the normal dive bar territories, well off the beaten path, in the midst of the confounding hybrid industrial trendy loft landscape between Skid Row and the Los Angeles river. Tony’s offers a quality pool table, darts, and a ping pong table on the patio. There is free parking in the lot right next to the bar, but carpool if you plan on attempting to make your way through the whiskey list…. as it is much longer than those offered at our usual dives.

And, if the scene is just way too upstanding for your taste, feel free to head back west on 7th street a few blocks to Campers Corner; a dive so deep it doesn’t even have a yelp review to its name and may also be a check cashing service. We might just decline to join ya.

Carpe Drink’em!

"Everyone kept telling me, ‘Just be yourself. Be yourself.’ I kept thinking, there’s got to be more to it than that!" -Tony Danza

April 27th, 2011: Foxfire Room

World Dive Bar Tour — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 18:52:02 +0000

WEDNESDAY, April 27th, 2011

Foxfire Room
12516 Magnolia Blvd.
Valley Village, CA 91607 (The Valley, aka: No Man’s Land)
map

Like any good dive, an introduction to the Foxfire Room must be prefaced with some warnings. First off, we should note that when arriving on Magnolia, you will find the front door boarded up and barricaded like The Winchester preparing for a zombie horde. Fear not.

The entrance, and ample parking, can be achieved through the back alleyway. Second, while the bar showcases many television screens inside, it is highly unlikely …that you will be able to watch your favorite sporting event of the evening on any of them, as most are dedicated to showcasing the various security cameras protecting the perimeter.

Reading these disclaimers, one may begin to fear for ones safety, but fear not, we of the World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee implore you. The Foxfire Room is safely located in what is known colloquially as "The Valley" — a region featuring tree-lined streets, relatively low crime (in parts, anyway), and temperatures, on average, 40 degrees hotter than the portions of Los Angeles that we call "Los Angeles."

Our suspicion is that the heightened security is simply for the purpose of protecting the bar from the encroaching Hipster Menace overflowing from Silver Lake into Studio City, and the Douchebag Menace overflowing from Santa Monica into Sherman Oaks. This is a bar for Dive Bar purists, and must be respected as such. Thus, we implore all Dive Bar Devotes to dress appropriately. No Fedoras. No ironic t-shirts. And, for that matter, no t-shirts with a retail value of over $20. Additionally, no drink orders that go by a name of anything other than the exact liquids to be porn (to the best of our knowledge, that is the proper conjugation of the verb "pour" in this sentence…at least in "The Valley"). Please, take heed of these rules. If you respect the Foxfire Room, it will respect you…otherwise, things may get ugly.

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

March 16th, 2011: Casey’s Irish Pub

World Dive Bar Tour — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 21:42:50 +0000

WEDNESDAY, March 16th, 2011

Casey’s Irish Pub
613 South Grand Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90017
map

What can be said about a country that hasn’t produced anything? To be fair, western civilization might have been saved when the Germans went on their original war holiday through Italy and Gaul. A more modern scribe gave us a great story about a dedalus and a treatise on gibberish. There is also a famous band that, you too might know, although I still haven’t found the name I am looking for. These minor things aside, Ireland has only produced one thing: Irish. They stick to what they do best.

This week, the World Dive Bar Tour pays its annual tribute to Saint Patrick. We shall drink their beer. We shall sing of Ire. We shall stare at the corned beef. We shall be Irish.

On Thursday.

But the WDBT only works on Wednesday (and one Saturday a year), so, we will be raising a pint a day early at Casey’s Irish Pub in Downtown. Our stop, sits under the sidewalk of Grand Avenue. Down the stairs and through the doors lies a warm, wood paneled lair of the familiar. Sneak in an extra day of Irish this year, pull up a chair, have a sip of Guinness and tell a story.

Is fearr de thú Guinness,

Carpe Drink’em,

Brian and Travis, hosts

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

This stop is one of a three part Underground Series. Casey’s is literally underground but we will be a be more metaphorical in the weeks ahead. On March 30th, we will be going to a seafood restaurant that only serves beer, veggies and peanuts. And, it is not to be found on internet(s). It might be a Central American gay bar; we’re just not sure.

December 8th, 2010: Starlite Room

World Dive Bar Tour — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 07:35:30 +0000

WEDNESDAY, December 8th, 2010

Starlite Room
11411 Moorpark St.
Studio City, CA 91602
map

In the gateway to the Northern Territories sits one of LA’s truest old school dives, a place that’s looks as if it’s been serving up drinks under the same signage and to the same loyal customers since the days when it was surrounded by orange groves (probably the 1950s or so). The Starlite Room is a place so welcoming that on the tour’s last visit, attendees were treated to supermarket bargain bin cake upon finding themselves in the midst of a regular’s somewhat depressing birthday party.

A quick scan of Starlite’s online reviews brings out exactly what any true dive bar devotee pines for — a bevy of one star ratings complaining of a jukebox with "like 2 modern CDs … Everything else was Patsy Cline, George Strait and Dean Martin", and a clientele of "weird people who look like characters that you wouldn’t want to encounter if your car broke down while driving by a small town." Add in the cheap drinks and friendly service, and it’s clearly our kind of place.

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

July 7th, 2010: Tony’s Saloon

World Dive Bar Tour — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 17:55:10 +0000

WEDNESDAY, July 7th, 2010

Tony’s Saloon
2017 E. 7th St.
Los Angeles, CA 90021
map

And, if the scene is just way to upstanding for your taste, feel free to head back west on 7th street a few blocks to Campers Corner; a dive so deep it doesn’t even have a yelp review to its name and may also be a check cashing service. We might just decline to join ya.

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & where the hell is Travis? - WDBT Co-czars

"Everyone kept telling me, Just be yourself. Be yourself. I kept thinking, there’s got to be more to it than that!" -Tony Danza