Smog Cutter
864 N. Virgil Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90029
map

Some dive bars have no need for a glowing introduction. They simply exist, and will continue to exist, whether you like it or not. As to charms, the Smog Cutter has too few to mention, it is the antithesis of Hollywood nightlife. We at the World Dive Bar Tour wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Smog Cutter is generally shabby. The neighborhood is dodgy. The customer is most definitely wrong in all disputes. It has decrepit bathrooms. There is a rumor of vermin. And finally, the bartenders exhibit an overbearing insistence on Karaoke participation with a two drink minimum policy - two drinks which are not as cheap as typically found in such establishments. In short, the bar is perfectly bad in the finest divey manner. The only way it could be better (i.e. worse) is if they flaunted basic health and safety laws on a more predictable basis…..

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Travis, host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

Ray "Bones" Barboni: “I’m from Miami-fuckin’-Beach and you wanna show me the ocean, huh? And what about sun, does it ever shine around here, or is this smog around all the time?”
Limo Driver With Sign: “They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.”
Ray "Bones" Barboni: “That’s what they say, huh? What a bunch of fuckin’ bullshit.”
~Get Shorty(1995)

Tony’s Saloon
2017 E. 7th St.
Los Angeles, CA 90021
map

This Wednesday the tour will throw Los Angeles a bone. Or more specifically, throw the Los Angeles bar scene a bone. As a careful reader of this humble newsletter and as a casual attendee of the tour you will likely know that we consistently rage, rage against the dying of the light. For each dive bar where the spark of perfect accessibility is fed into the incinerator of velvet ropes, doormen, and cocktails sporting infusions of acai berries, we shed a tear and often light a few devotional candles to St. Petersburg del Florida, the patron saint of dive bars.

This week we visit Tony’s Saloon, which is not really a dive, but more of a neo-dive. Owned by the same group behind The Golden Gopher and Seven Grand, Tony’s is located at the far eastern extent of the normal dive bar territories, well off the beaten path, in the midst of the confounding hybrid industrial trendy loft landscape between Skid Row and the Los Angeles river. Tony’s offers a quality pool table, darts, and a ping pong table on the patio. There is free parking in the lot right next to the bar, but carpool if you plan on attempting to make your way through the whiskey list…. as it is much longer the those offered at our usual dives.

And, if the scene is just way to upstanding for your taste, feel free to head back west on 7th street a few blocks to Campers Corner; a dive so deep it doesn’t even have a yelp review to its name and may also be a check cashing service. We might just decline to join ya.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & where the hell is Travis? - WDBT Co-czars

"Everyone kept telling me, Just be yourself. Be yourself. I kept thinking, there’s got to be more to it than that!" -Tony Danza

Whitehorse Inn
1532 N. Western Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

The Whitehorse Inn is a Hollywood institution and a true dive, down to the crimson and black decor, solid jukebox, cheap drinks, and eccentric patrons. In an eerie juxtaposition, though, there is also homey feel provided by its friendly elderly hostess passing around platters of chips, crackers, and microwaved hotdogs to you in the welcoming comforts and prelapsarian familiarity of the ratty couches in the sitting area, thus blending the emotions brought on by a traditional dive with those of your kind-hearted grandma’s living room.

Throw in the fact that the bar is situated under East Hollywood’s most popular hotel for transexual hookers and their clientele, and the bar begins to truly feel like a visit to grandma’s — if you and your grandmother both led sinful lives and reconvened in hell to reminisce on fond family memories. In short, it’s one of our favorite bars, and we do hope you’ll join us.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Poverty was an ornament on a learned man like a red ribbon on a white horse" - Anzia Yezierska  

Little Joy Cocktails
1477 W. Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90026
map

With Los Angeles being one of the most "single" cities in America you more than likely spent this past weekend protesting the corporatism of Valentine’s Day, convincing yourself that there is more to life than roses, chocolate hearts, and Garry Marshall films. "True love exists only inside an ice-cold can of Schlitz served by a bartender who opens it with a bowie knife," you told yourself. Perhaps you reminisced that it was under the sagging ceiling of a dark Echo Park groggery where you shared a deep connection with eclectic men and women who exemplified the bar’s namesake.

You were pining for Little Joy Cocktails, the dilapidated Sunset dive where loneliness and despair make the drinks taste better and where there’s always room on the walls to carve or paint the profane word or phrase that best describes your state of mind. Come prepared with thick-soled shoes and at least a tenner (enough for 3 beers). The cheap drinks and cozy ambiance are a solid alternative to a night at home listening to Eric Carmen and watching The Deer Hunter.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

Smog Cutter
864 N. Virgil Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90029
map

Step through the curtain into in this legendary Silver Lake establishment, and you’ll promptly be greeted by one of three Thai sisters, eager to check your ID. Don’t worry if you happen to be under age, though, as these ladies wouldn’t hesitate to serve a 12 year old — the thoroughness of ID checking is simply so that they can memorize your name, and call you by it for the rest of the night. Under ordinary circumstances, this level of interest in their bar’s patrons would be considered an exemplary model of customer service, except that the things they’ll be calling you for the rest of the night will not be very nice.

This is the Smog Cutter, after all — embodying either the best, or the worst, of all things dive. The place reeks of mildew, the service goes out of their way to insult you, and the drinks are warm and, surprisingly, a little overpriced given just how dire the surroundings are. But still we on the World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee not only keep coming back for more, but have granted the Smog Cutter the honor of kicking off our 2010 calendar — a year that will undoubtedly be our best and boldest yet.

Many anecdotes come to mind to sum up all that is the Smog Cutter, from instances of crotch grabbings by the bartenders, to glass-shattering displays of karaoke madness, but it really all comes down to one member of the Executive Committee sitting with her hand on the bar, as a cockroach came scampering over her arm. With a quick "whack!", the cockroach was disposed of by a quick-thinking Czar, but the noise caused Sunshine, the legendary lead bartender, to come running.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Sunshine, "You kill Susie!"

As Sunshine cradled the dead roach in her hand, she took a closer look and, with a sigh of relief exclaimed…

"Ah, don’t worry. It just George."

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You must have known that I was lonely, because you came to my rescue. And I know that this must be heaven, how could so much love be inside of you?"

- Stevie Wonder

Kibitz Room
419 N. Fairfax Ave.
West Hollywood, CA 90036
map

Following the observance of Yom Kippur, the predominantly goy and shichtza WDBT will pause for a stop on the tour to remember who really runs this town. While our agents, lawyers, producers, and, in stark contrast, most of the town’s great comedy writers, observed a 25-hour fast, praying for atonement and repentance in the utmost ritual purity on Monday, this Wednesday, we will pollute ourselves with manischewitz in the spirit of multiculturalism, entering the belly of the beast — the Fairfax District — to visit the Kibitz Room adjacent Canter’s Deli.

Although our understanding is that "kibitz" is a pickled herring jelly, meant for spreading on bagels or rye bread, the bar itself is Dive Bar Tour Kosher, with an old man serving up cheap drinks at a reasonable price, and a wide range of friendly clientele. The only reminder of the bar’s Jewry is the relentless singing of classic Hebrew drinking songs… "Have a tequila, have a tequila…"

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Five thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Kaufax, YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT I’M LIVING IN THE PAST!"
- Walter Sobchak

Little Joy Cocktails
1477 W. Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90026
Map

Founding father Benjamin Franklin once said, "in the world nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes." And, so, with a visit to Echo Park’s Little Joy Cocktails on this tax day, we celebrate the importance our founding fathers placed on the necessity of a reasonable marginal tax rate for the proper governance of a civilized society.

More-so than any recent year, taxes are on people’s minds and in the news, so whether you’re a multi-millionaire struggling under Obama’s roll-back of the Bush tax cuts and in need of a cheap can of Schlitz, or a Bolshevik celebrating our decline into socialism with shots of vodka, Little Joy has got you covered. And, if you’ve simply failed to pay your taxes this year out of either anti-government protest or simply poor fiscal responsibility, rest assured that Little Joy is one establishment far too scary for the tax man to dare enter.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

Amagi Night Club
6114 W. Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028
Map

It’s a new year, and you’re ready to hit the gym, finish that big project in your garage, and, most-importantly, make the next American Idol tryouts. What better way to kick off 2009 than by working on a resolution you have no intention of sticking to?! The Fourth Annual Would Dive Bar Tour starts at Amagi in Hollywood this week, the finest sushi/dive/karaoke establishment east of Highland. Once known for its health department "C" rating, and still known for the mediocre sushi and the Karaoke Ninja of Sunset, who visits every Wednesday to sing November Rain, Amagi is the finest amalgam of Japanese and Hollywood culture.

Situated in the famous "Gower’s Gulch" strip mall between a Subway and Rite Aid, across from a free AIDS testing facility, Amagi’s restaurant and bar are separated by a wall, but that shouldn’t discourage you from bringing your tuna roll to the Karaoke stage. You should also bring a couple bucks to tip the KJ. And if you can’t muster the courage to sing, fear not. Liquid courage at Amagi is affordable, and they take credit.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

Whitehorse Inn
1532 N. Western Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

The Whitehorse Inn is a Hollywood institution and a true dive, down to the crimson and black decor, solid jukebox, cheap drinks, and eccentric patrons. In an eerie juxtaposition, though, there is also homey feel provided by its friendly elderly hostess passing around platters of chips, crackers, and microwaved hotdogs to you in the welcoming comforts and prelapsarian familiarity of the ratty couches in the sitting area, thus blending the emotions brought on by a traditional dive with those of your kind-hearted grandma’s living room.

Throw in the fact that the bar is situated under East Hollywood’s most popular hotel for transexual hookers and their clientele, and the bar begins to truly feel like a visit to grandma’s — if you and your grandmother both led sinful lives and reconvened in hell to reminisce on fond family memories. In short, it’s one of our favorite bars, and we do hope you’ll join us.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

“Poverty was an ornament on a learned man like a red ribbon on a white horse” - Anzia Yezierska

WEDNESDAY, March 26th, 2008

The Green Frog
13624 Moorpark Street
Sherman Oaks, CA 91423

So pick up some discarded, vomit covered shamrock paraphernalia out of a nearby gutter, and confuse the locals by celebrating Old St. Patrick with us at the legendary Green Frog.

On this rare visit to the Northern Territories, the WDBT Executive Council also issues a strong recommend for Pre-Dive-Eats at the only dive bar with the audacity to declare itself as having "The best seafood in LA!" — the legendary Oyster House Saloon, just down the street at 12446 Moorpark.  Stop in for the dive bar ambience and drink selection, the 75¢ oyster shooter happy hour, and the heaping bowls of mussels and linguini, but only if you’re truly brave enough to attempt a dive bar double header.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Me? In love with a pig? Ha ha! Wait ’til I get the guys at marketing!  Maybe you’ve expected me to go hog-wild! Oh, good, maybe you expect me to bring home the bacon! Ah, the sounds of love - Soue! Oink oink!"

-Kermit