Whitehorse Inn
1532 N. Western Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

The Whitehorse Inn is a Hollywood institution and a true dive, down to the crimson and black decor, solid jukebox, cheap drinks, and eccentric patrons. In an eerie juxtaposition, though, there is also homey feel provided by its friendly elderly hostess passing around platters of chips, crackers, and microwaved hotdogs to you in the welcoming comforts and prelapsarian familiarity of the ratty couches in the sitting area, thus blending the emotions brought on by a traditional dive with those of your kind-hearted grandma’s living room.

Throw in the fact that the bar is situated under East Hollywood’s most popular hotel for transexual hookers and their clientele, and the bar begins to truly feel like a visit to grandma’s — if you and your grandmother both led sinful lives and reconvened in hell to reminisce on fond family memories. In short, it’s one of our favorite bars, and we do hope you’ll join us.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

“Poverty was an ornament on a learned man like a red ribbon on a white horse” - Anzia Yezierska

WEDNESDAY, March 26th, 2008

The Green Frog
13624 Moorpark Street
Sherman Oaks, CA 91423

So pick up some discarded, vomit covered shamrock paraphernalia out of a nearby gutter, and confuse the locals by celebrating Old St. Patrick with us at the legendary Green Frog.

On this rare visit to the Northern Territories, the WDBT Executive Council also issues a strong recommend for Pre-Dive-Eats at the only dive bar with the audacity to declare itself as having "The best seafood in LA!" — the legendary Oyster House Saloon, just down the street at 12446 Moorpark.  Stop in for the dive bar ambience and drink selection, the 75¢ oyster shooter happy hour, and the heaping bowls of mussels and linguini, but only if you’re truly brave enough to attempt a dive bar double header.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Me? In love with a pig? Ha ha! Wait ’til I get the guys at marketing!  Maybe you’ve expected me to go hog-wild! Oh, good, maybe you expect me to bring home the bacon! Ah, the sounds of love - Soue! Oink oink!"

-Kermit

Cosmos Saloon
333 E 1st St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012

For those who have followed the ebb and flow of dive bar for many years, the name Cosmos might sound very familiar. Last season, on an ill fated full moon, we attempted to visit this fine establishment. Unfortunately for the intrepid group of dive bar goers that night, on the dutch door of the bar entrance a handwritten note was posted. Written mostly Japanese characters, it was the final line in English which hurt the most. "Bar Close Tonight." Those assembled, who had gathered for the promise of a Japanese pre-’scent of a woman’ Al Pacino bartender, karaoke in languages we can’t even speak, and Suntory Whiskey, found solace in a nearby shady hostess bar followed by a local brewery.

On that night, just like General Douglas MacArthur in retreat from the Philippines in the face of Japanese aggression, we of the WDBT vowed to return.

This week marks the day we make good on that promise, and return to Little Tokyo. Where with the help of a few big bottles of Kirin, we will be belting out Japanese pop songs like regulars, smoking an odd cigarette, swapping stories with the old man who always seems to be firmly planted at the bar, and otherwise raising quite a ruckus. Comfortable with the knowledge that in this Cosmos, yes, we can all be a star. Just remember - no dancing.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Here we are. Earth. Full of things as usual."

-King of All Cosmos

Little Joy
1477 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90026 (Echo Park)

On a recent weeknight, a Czar found himself at the tail end of a miserable day. Work was hell, The Man shackled him down with Jury Duty, and a paternity test came back with undesirable results. Depressed and alone, the Czar turned to the only true comfort he knew in life: the dive bar, and was drawn to Little Joy more by the name than anything else.

Is the Little Joy a place for those with little joy in their own lives to drown their sorrows? Or is it a place that offers that much needed little sliver of joy in our postmodern lives? Are the pint glasses of Sierra Nevada and PBR half-full, or half-empty in this establishment? The Czar went, seeking answers, and salvation.

He settled into the bar stool and sipped on his cheap and well-proportioned Scotch & Soda, and was struck by the fact that one of the patrons had selected consecutive songs from "The Big Lebowski" on the eclectic jukebox. As the depressed Czar pondered precisely what condition his condition was in, he took note of the ambiance that Little Joy offered. A strict dress code of black and denim is followed by all regulars, with the only sources of bright color appearing in tattoos or hair. The walls on the inside of the joint are covered with graffiti that appears somewhat sanctioned by the bartenders, who chug Tecate behind the bar and as a result, mix progressively more potent but less reliably accurate drinks as the night rolls on. Schlitz Beer is available in a can* and the pint glasses have ads for Greyhound busses on them.

These observations put a smile on the depressed Czar’s face and, as he gazed down to find the Scotch & Soda he thought he’d finished, he realized it was, in fact, still half-full.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

* A note to Dive Bar Troopers, "Little Joy" may be the only stop on this year’s tour when you can earn that elusive "Schlitz" Merit Badge!

"If’n you ain’t the grandaddy of all liars! The little critters of nature… They don’t know that they’re ugly! That’s very funny! A fly marrying a bumblebee. I told you I’d shoot! But you didn’t believe me! Why didn’t you believe me?!"

-Stinky Wizzleteats, "The Happy Happy Joy Joy Song"

Smog Cutter
864 N. Virgil Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90029 (Silverlake)

Step through the curtain into in this legendary Silver Lake establishment, and you’ll promptly be greeted by one of three Thai sisters, eager to check your ID. Don’t worry if you happen to be under age, though, as these ladies wouldn’t hesitate to serve a 12 year old — the thoroughness of ID checking is simply so that they can memorize your name, and call you by it for the rest of the night. Under ordinary circumstances, this level of interest in their bar’s patrons would be considered an exemplary model of customer service, except that the things they’ll be calling you for the rest of the night will not be very nice.

This is the Smog Cutter, after all — embodying either the best, or the worst, of all things dive. The place reeks of mildew, the service goes out of their way to insult you, and the drinks are warm and, surprisingly, a little overpriced given just how dire the surroundings are. But still we on the World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee not only keep coming back for more, but have granted the Smog Cutter the honor of kicking off our 2007 calendar — a year that will undoubtedly be our best and boldest yet.

Many anecdotes come to mind to sum up all that is the Smog Cutter, from instances of crotch grabbings by the bartenders, to glass-shattering displays of karaoke madness, but it really all comes down to one member of the Executive Committee sitting with her hand on the bar, as a cockroach came scampering over her arm. With a quick "whack!", the cockroach was disposed of by a quick-thinking Czar, but the noise caused Sunshine, the legendary lead bartender, to come running.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Sunshine, "You kill Susie!"

As Sunshine cradled the dead roach in her hand, she took a closer look and, with a sigh of relief exclaimed…

"Ah, don’t worry. It just George."

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You must have known that I was lonely, because you came to my rescue. And I know that this must be heaven, how could so much love be inside of you?" - Stevie Wonder