World Dive Bar Tour » Warnings

October 22nd, 2008: Rae’s Lounge

damien — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 10:47:33 +0000

WEDNESDAY, October 22nd, 2008

Rae’s Lounge
10939 Venice Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90034

This Wednesday marks the last dive bar visit before a new President of the United States is elected. On November 5th, a number of our dive bar regulars will have a very big reason for hitting the bottle hard. Our nation will head in a new direction, and regardless of your views, some kind "change" is inevitable. It’s times like these that we should take comfort in the little things in life that don’t change, the little constants of our existence that we can always depend on come rain or shine. It’s times like these that we turn to our local watering hole, that dive around the corner that’s withstood the test of time, that has seen presidents come and go, yet has always managed to keep the drinks cheap regardless of high taxes.

This week we visit Rae’s Lounge, a bar that prides itself on consistency. Rae’s is the paragon of dive bars, featuring all the essentials from affordable stiff drinks to darts, pool, and karaoke. While some of our dives feature clowns or singing ninjas, Rae’s needs no gimmicks or calling cards. Rae’s is low-key, inconspicuous, and relies only on its strong character to build its reputation. There are only a few bars on the Tour that we can honestly label a "dive’s dive," and Rae’s Lounge is one of them.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

October 8th, 2008: Jumbo’s Clown Room

damien — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:02:18 +0000

WEDNESDAY, October 8th, 2008

Jumbo’s Clown Room
5153 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

As the name suggests, Jumbo’s Clown Room is a magical place that some would think lives only in the mind of an innocent child. It is a relief to us all that this land of prelapsarian wonder does exist, and it does so in an East Hollywood strip-mall, in a neighborhood predominantly consisting of Thai restaurants.

From the outside, Jumbo’s bears the same sort of anonymous facade as most destinations on the tour, but inside exists freakish, yet undeniably alluring sights and sounds worthy of P.T. Barnum himself. The drink selection and pricing is that of your standard Hollywood dive, and the jukebox is strictly rock and roll, with each song carefully selected by the outgoing and friendly employees. Credit cards are accepted, however it is encouraged that you bring cash. Preferably singles.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of big guys like you, pickin’ on a poor little orphan like him. Suppose you was torn away from your mother when you was just a baby. Nobody to tuck you in at nights. No warm, soft, caressin’ trunk to snuzzle into. How would you like to be left out alone, in a cold, cruel, heartless woild? And why? I ask ya, why? Just because he’s got those big ears, they call him a freak. The laughing stock of the circus. And when his mother tried to protect him, they threw her into the clink. And on top of that, they made him a clown! Socially he’s washed up! Ah, but what’s the use of talkin’ to you cold-hearted boids? Go ahead. Have your fun. Laugh at him. Kick him now that he’s down. Go on! I don’t care."

- Timothy Q. Mouse, Dumbo

June 18th, 2008: Whitehorse Inn

admin — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:33:07 +0000

WEDNESDAY, June 18th, 2008

Whitehorse Inn
1532 N. Western Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

The Whitehorse Inn is a Hollywood institution and a true dive, down to the crimson and black decor, solid jukebox, cheap drinks, and eccentric patrons. In an eerie juxtaposition, though, there is also homey feel provided by its friendly elderly hostess passing around platters of chips, crackers, and microwaved hotdogs to you in the welcoming comforts and prelapsarian familiarity of the ratty couches in the sitting area, thus blending the emotions brought on by a traditional dive with those of your kind-hearted grandma’s living room.

Throw in the fact that the bar is situated under East Hollywood’s most popular hotel for transexual hookers and their clientele, and the bar begins to truly feel like a visit to grandma’s — if you and your grandmother both led sinful lives and reconvened in hell to reminisce on fond family memories. In short, it’s one of our favorite bars, and we do hope you’ll join us.

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

“Poverty was an ornament on a learned man like a red ribbon on a white horse” - Anzia Yezierska

May 21st, 2008, The Joker

damien — Tue, 20 May 2008 18:19:31 +0000

WEDNESDAY, May 21st, 2008

The Joker
2827 Pico Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA 90405

Don’t let the name fool you. There is nothing funny about this bar and it makes no attempt at humor, inside and out. The crumbling painting of a jester overlooking the street and the faded production still next to the bar of a Jack Nicolson in "Batman" are the only allusions to the name donning the back door. Inside is a joyful yet somber ambiance enjoyed by regulars who take their drinking seriously and yearn for the indoor smoking ban to be repealed.

More than a just place to relax, Joker is an escape from the rigmarole and anxiety of life. Situated on an inconspicuous corner of a suburban stretch of Pico, it stands secluded from the traditional westside nightlife that attracts d-bags and hipsters who conflate bar-going and clubbing. The people here are friendly and engaging but respectful of those needing merely a stiff drink and time alone at the end of the bar.

Joker is arguably one of the finest bars on the west side, and it epitomizes everything the Tour celebrates. This is a dive’s dive, and if you make it to only one of them on the tour this year or you’re merely curious as to why we take this dive bar stuff so seriously, stop by this Wednesday.

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"It is now time for me to relieve you, the little people, of your sad and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said, ‘If you gotta go, go with a smile.’"

- The Joker, Batman

April 9th, 2008: Cozy Inn

damien — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:42:49 +0000

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 9th, 2008

Cozy Inn
11155 Washington Place
Culver City, CA 90232

The Cozy Inn has always been a WDBT Culver City favorite, known for its subdued character, precarious location, and colorful clientele. There is always at least 1 Harley parked outside and a quiet group of hard-boiled, blue-collar geriatrics inside drinking Wild Turkey and Bud. People keep to themselves, but it’s always possible to make a new acquaintance for the night over a game of shuffleboard or darts.

In the two years since we last visited the Cozy, it would seem business has increased–and the douchebag quotient has risen slightly–as more post-college 20-somethings discover the Washington and Washington nexus. Nevertheless, the ambiance remains the same, and the drinks remain stiff and cheap. The Cozy is still cash only, and you can still bet on seeing bored, Culver City PD patrolling the parking lot when you leave. So be prepared for both, and remember: always drink and drive responsibly.

For quality pre-dive eats or a post-dive sobriety snack, hit up Jonnie’s Pastrami or the famous Tito’s or Cinco de Mayo taco stands, all within walking distance.

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer."

– Henry Lawson

March 26th, 2008: The Green Frog

admin — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:56:16 +0000

WEDNESDAY, March 26th, 2008

The Green Frog
13624 Moorpark Street
Sherman Oaks, CA 91423

In true World Dive Bar Tour fashion, we call on Tour Devotees to join us this Wednesday in celebrating St. Patrick’s Day nine days late at a bar with no discernable Irish heritage other than "Green" in its name. Teetering on the verge of a health department condemnation since the day it opened, the Green Frog features games of darts and pool, comfy (albeit a bit filthy) seating in oversized red booths, a crowd ranging from grizzled dive veterans to young Valley Douchebags loudly discussing callbacks and Texas Hold’em Tournaments at the Commerce Casino, and a fine selection of cheap beer and liquor at a reasonable enough price (though at $5 for a pint of decent beer, the Executive Council suggests sharing pitchers to maximize economies of scale).

So pick up some discarded, vomit covered shamrock paraphernalia out of a nearby gutter, and confuse the locals by celebrating Old St. Patrick with us at the legendary Green Frog.

On this rare visit to the Northern Territories, the WDBT Executive Council also issues a strong recommend for Pre-Dive-Eats at the only dive bar with the audacity to declare itself as having "The best seafood in LA!" — the legendary Oyster House Saloon, just down the street at 12446 Moorpark. Stop in for the dive bar ambience and drink selection, the 75¢ oyster shooter happy hour, and the heaping bowls of mussels and linguini, but only if you’re truly brave enough to attempt a dive bar double header.

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Me? In love with a pig? Ha ha! Wait ’til I get the guys at marketing! Maybe you’ve expected me to go hog-wild! Oh, good, maybe you expect me to bring home the bacon! Ah, the sounds of love - Soue! Oink oink!"

-Kermit

March 12th, 2008: Cosmos Saloon

damien — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 07:54:32 +0000

WEDNESDAY, March 12th, 2008

Cosmos Saloon
333 E 1st St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012

For those who have followed the ebb and flow of dive bar for many years, the name Cosmos might sound very familiar. Last season, on an ill fated full moon, we attempted to visit this fine establishment. Unfortunately for the intrepid group of dive bar goers that night, on the dutch door of the bar entrance a handwritten note was posted. Written mostly Japanese characters, it was the final line in English which hurt the most. "Bar Close Tonight." Those assembled, who had gathered for the promise of a Japanese pre-’scent of a woman’ Al Pacino bartender, karaoke in languages we can’t even speak, and Suntory Whiskey, found solace in a nearby shady hostess bar followed by a local brewery.

On that night, just like General Douglas MacArthur in retreat from the Philippines in the face of Japanese aggression, we of the WDBT vowed to return.

This week marks the day we make good on that promise, and return to Little Tokyo. Where with the help of a few big bottles of Kirin, we will be belting out Japanese pop songs like regulars, smoking an odd cigarette, swapping stories with the old man who always seems to be firmly planted at the bar, and otherwise raising quite a ruckus. Comfortable with the knowledge that in this Cosmos, yes, we can all be a star. Just remember - no dancing.

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Here we are. Earth. Full of things as usual."

-King of All Cosmos

February 27th, 2008: Hinano Cafe

damien — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 07:26:07 +0000

WEDNESDAY, February 27th, 2008

Hinano Cafe
15 Washington Blvd.
Venice, CA 90292

In lieu of Venice’s rapid gentrification, it’s nice to know that there’s still a beach bar where you can get a cheap beer, shoot some pool, and mingle with local surfer bums, hippies, and the occasional gang member. Those places are all but gone. Hinano’s is the exception. Surrounded by trendy eateries with a high douchebaggery quotient, this surfer shack extraordinaire has embraced the Venice mentality over the years and maintains that laid back style today.

Hinano is adorned out front with a string of Christmas lights year round and aglow with neon within. Don’t let the ski-capped eastern-European doorman checking IDs fool you. You won’t find any Kolatchys in this bar, but rather a fine variety of draught beer, a delicious and affordable bar menu served throughout the night (try the burgers), and free popcorn courtesy of the stand-up machine in the corner. Bring enough change for the PacMan and pool tables and enough greenbacks to quench your thirst as Hinano is cash only. And don’t bother with the Valets on Washington right in front of the bar (yes, it’s gotten that bad). Park on Pacific or one of the other side streets.

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"…It’s just like, dude, you got the best barrels ever dude, its just like you pull in and you just get spit right out of’em and you just drop in just smack and..whah-pack!…and drop down..and BAHHHHHHWWW!…and after that, you just drop in, and just ride the barrel and get pitted, so pitted…like that."

- Surfer Dude

February 13th, 2008: Spot Light Room

admin — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 21:58:48 +0000

WEDNESDAY, February 13th, 2008

Spot Light Room
1601 N. Cahuenga
Los Angeles, CA 90028

The 2008 Valentines Day spectacular has arrived, and what better location than the only bar in Los Angeles where Czars on a scouting mission have ever received overt sexual advances from the management: Hollywood’s Spot Light Room, which stands alongside Power House as the last of the true dives remaining in Hollywood. On a corner of the Cahuenga Corridor overrun with upscale establishments for the “Hollywood” crowd, the Spot Light Room beams with immeasurable pride as the location most visitors to this stretch walk quickly past, with nary a thought to the glory inside.

A colorful flag adorns the outside, complimented by colorful neon beer signs on the inside, and as a point of curiosity, while the women’s restroom is locked up like a bank vault, the men’s room features the swinging saloon style doors befitting the entrance to any great dive. In this town of velvet ropes and burly doormen, the Spot Light Room welcomes all income levels, job descriptions, races, creeds, genders, ages, and sexual orientations in a wholehearted embrace into the bosom of its friendly hosts, regulars, cheap drinks, and plentiful bar games. In fact, play your cards right, gentlemen, and you’ll be granted passage to free rounds, Aretha Franklin jukebox songs dedicated in your honor, and a handwritten note with a phone number in Westchester.

For parking in this problematic Hollywood area, bypass the local valet stands and journey just south of Sunset and in the direction of Wilcox for a cornucopia of available spots, or drive up the ramp of the LA Film School (and former Klasky Csupo building) on Ivar and Selma, where if you can properly carry yourself like a douchebag film student past security, free parking is always available.

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

“Let me tell you a secret: I got a lot of money I can put in your hole”

-Co-Czar Damien’s Admirer

December 12th, 2007: Ye Coach and Horses

damien — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 01:53:42 +0000

Week 23

WEDNESDAY, December 12th, 2007

Coach and Horses
7617 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90046 (Hollywood)

This is it. 23 dive bars down, one to go. And while we can’t really say that we saved the best for last, we can say we left the Coach and Horses last for a all the right reasons. Centered in the heart of our fine city easily accessible for a west-sider, down-towner, or valley-dweller, Coach and Horses offers all the charm of an English pub from the far side of the pond right down to the surly bartenders, Strongbow Cider, and a curry house next door. Despite its long history of being the choice locale of up-and-coming rock stars who need to get ripped on the twenty bucks they made playing the Whiskey over the weekend, part of what makes this bar unique is that, after a drink or two, its ambiance causes one to forget he’s even in Hollywood.

C&H offers a full bar and a quality collection of bottles and cans filled with various tasty liquids. With a few choice macro brews available for three dollars each. But if you get a 22oz Fat Tire for 6 bucks, things even out in the wash. Just plan ahead, as this joint is cash only and won’t take kindly to attempts to barter for your beverage. Trust us, we tried.

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”

~Jack Handey