Smog Cutter
864 N. Virgil Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90029
map

Some dive bars have no need for a glowing introduction. They simply exist, and will continue to exist, whether you like it or not. As to charms, the Smog Cutter has too few to mention, it is the antithesis of Hollywood nightlife. We at the World Dive Bar Tour wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Smog Cutter is generally shabby. The neighborhood is dodgy. The customer is most definitely wrong in all disputes. It has decrepit bathrooms. There is a rumor of vermin. And finally, the bartenders exhibit an overbearing insistence on Karaoke participation with a two drink minimum policy - two drinks which are not as cheap as typically found in such establishments. In short, the bar is perfectly bad in the finest divey manner. The only way it could be better (i.e. worse) is if they flaunted basic health and safety laws on a more predictable basis…..

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Travis, host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

Ray "Bones" Barboni: “I’m from Miami-fuckin’-Beach and you wanna show me the ocean, huh? And what about sun, does it ever shine around here, or is this smog around all the time?”
Limo Driver With Sign: “They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.”
Ray "Bones" Barboni: “That’s what they say, huh? What a bunch of fuckin’ bullshit.”
~Get Shorty(1995)

The Joker
2827 Pico Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA 90405
map

We are happy to report that despite a recent drug bust at the Joker where a bindle of cocaine was found in the bathroom along with scales, packaging materials, and $5,000 cash in "undisclosed locations," this fine establishment remains open for business. We have not yet confirmed if the bartender who was arrested got her job back, but we’re certain that her consummate selling skills are an asset the owner of any bar would want behind the counter. We are lobbying him to promptly post her bail and restore her position.

While SMPD considers the Joker a "nuisance," we on the World Dive Bar Tour consider any bar where bottles are broken and cars are set ablaze in the parking lot a paragon of watering holes. Holding to values from a day long past where disputes were settled with fisticuffs or the occasional Molotov cocktail, by default we assume that the owner of the torched vehicle no doubt got his comeuppance and absolve the perpetrator from any wrongdoing.

Needless to say, Joker is lacking anything but character. Pictures of the eponymous Batman villain and other clowns adorn its walls along with other decorations indicative of a time when the "jokers" were the ones who went outside to smoke a cigarette.

Drinks here are some of the cheapest on the west side, and one could leave thoroughly lubricated for under $10. But Joker is cash only, so be sure to hit up the ATM ahead of time. And, there’s ample parking in the back.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Damien, host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

The Beacon
950 W Manchester Blvd.
Inglewood, CA 90301
map

If there were a bar where the bulk of the patronage is probably relaxing after emptying a few clips at the gun range down the street or at the Randy’s donuts a little further down the street, it would probably be called The Beacon.

Located on the north-western edge of Inglewood, minutes from LAX, The Beacon stretches the traditional boundaries of the Tour, but it does so for good reason. It’s cheap — this is a dive bar economy. It’s filthy — no good dive passes health inspection with flying colors. The people inside have no teeth and smell like ashtrays (at least the ones there when they open for lunch do). And you won’t find a more hospitable place to spend a layover, drown a lay-off, or get laid back for miles.

There’s plenty of fun to be had here for under $10. Enjoy a $3.25 macro-brew to the sound of billiard balls cracking and the din of 747s touching down in the distance. The Beacon’s squalid interior is complemented by its drab and weathered exterior in the midst of a derelict neighborhood of 1-story commercial tenements. What a perfect place for a dive bar! Street parking is ample. They may or may not take credit, so come with cash in hand. There are no ATMs within walking distance.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Damien & Curtis; hosts

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

]]> http://www.worlddivebartour.com/v1/2011/11/01/november-2nd-2011-the-beacon/feed/ http://www.worlddivebartour.com/v1/2011/07/21/august-3rd-2011-hinano-cafe/ http://www.worlddivebartour.com/v1/2011/07/21/august-3rd-2011-hinano-cafe/#comments Fri, 22 Jul 2011 01:29:24 +0000 World Dive Bar Tour http://www.worlddivebartour.com/v1/2011/07/21/august-3rd-2011-hinano-cafe/ WEDNESDAY, August 3rd, 2011

Hinano Cafe
15 Washington Blvd.
Venice, CA 90292
map

In light of Venice’s rapid gentrification, the classic beach bars where beer is cheap, one can shoot some pool, and mingle with local surfer bums, hippies, and the occasional gang member are all but gone. Hinano is the exception.

Surrounded by trendy eateries with a high douchebag-quotient, this surfer shack extraordinaire embraces the "old" Venice, laid-back mentality, eschewing trendy modernization and the haughty personality that goes along with it.

Hinano is adorned out front with a string of Christmas lights year round and aglow with neon within. They check IDs at the door, but a fake will work just fine. Inside they offer a fine variety of draught beer, a delicious and affordable bar menu served throughout the night (try the burgers), and free popcorn courtesy of the stand-up machine in the corner. Bring enough change for the PacMan and pool tables and enough greenbacks to quench your thirst as Hinano is cash only. And, don’t bother with the Valets on Washington right in front of the bar (yes, it’s gotten that bad). Park on Pacific or one of the other side streets.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em!

Speak Easy
1326 Pico Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA 90405
map

The summer is almost upon us and the Tour is making its way to the west side of the city, where despite the cleaner air and more expensive everything, our dives maintain their character and cheap drinks. This week, we visit Speak Easy Cocktails.

Staying true to its namesake, this low-key watering hole is camouflaged on the edge of residential Pico, sporting barely-visible signage, a locked front door, and accepts CASH ONLY.

And, the inside does not belie its dark facade. Rarely more than a couple of regulars at a time quietly sip their whiskey or shoot pool on a given night. The patrons speak in whispers, suggesting that at any time, John Law could kick through the double-hinged doors with uzis to raid the joint.

If you find yourself waiting to order at an empty bar, staring at yourself in the marbled mirror behind the Jim Beam, you might peek your head outside and catch up with the barkeep, Ruth, who is most likely finishing her Newport Light.

Speak Easy is the essence of a neighborhood bar. It’s off the main drag, the only people who know about it, much less go there are those who live within walking distance. It’s important that we respect this bar for its unparalleled uniqueness in this part of Los Angeles and conduct ourselves with proper decorum, being sure to not upset the natives.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9pm and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many, bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Reporter: "Word is they’re going to repeal Prohibition. What’ll you do then?"
Eliot Ness: "I think I’ll have a drink."

- The Untouchables

]]> http://www.worlddivebartour.com/v1/2011/05/22/may-25th-2011-speak-easy/feed/ http://www.worlddivebartour.com/v1/2011/04/11/april-13th-2011-blipsy-barcade/ http://www.worlddivebartour.com/v1/2011/04/11/april-13th-2011-blipsy-barcade/#comments Mon, 11 Apr 2011 21:16:43 +0000 World Dive Bar Tour http://www.worlddivebartour.com/v1/2011/04/11/april-13th-2011-blipsy-barcade/ WEDNESDAY, April 13th, 2011

Blipsy Barcade
369 N Western Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90004
map

Quarters.

They have always had meaning in our lives. As children, we begged our mothers at the supermarket, seeking treasure in the gum ball machine. We pleaded for them at the pizza parlor for a round or two at Street Fighter. Sadly, after the joy of adolescence the twenty-five cent piece became the currency of hygiene. Coveted change tightly held; crinkled dollars exchanged; early morning queues for a roll at the bank. The quarter was reduced to the ammunition for battling brown stains in the name the of maintaining societal harmony.

This week, the World Dive Bar Tour is pleased to partake in shameless nostalgia [latfh] as we visit Blipsy Barcade. Once known as Miss T’s Barcade, this week’s stop features a dozen 80’s arcade games, a few pinball machines, $4 scotch and soda and the return of the quarter as the currency of joy. Bring cash. Bring quarters. Leave your adult burdens at the door. An extra life is just a token away.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own and we’ll find you.

Carpe Drink’em,

Brian & Travis, hosts

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

"I don’t believe this. I got the scroll weapon, and I almost beat Mecha-Turtle at the end of level three." Sam in the "Wizard"

Mariscos Los Kabo’s
4168 Beverly Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90004
map

At our last dive bar, the first in a series of three ‘underground’ locations in our fair city, those who arrived late discovered just how underground we mean as we were nowhere to be found and the bar closed early to prepare for their crush of drunkards the following morning. With our apologies to the snafu regarding our St. Patrick’s Day debacle please rest assured there is no danger of such a tragedy befouling our enjoyment of this weeks dive.

This week, we visit Mariscos Los Kabo’s and it is just about as far from your typical nightlife establishment as any we have ever attended on the tour. While it is possible to ‘check in’ at the bar via popular social networking applications…. nowhere would you find any inkling of what is in store. Los Kabo’s does not even merit a glib Yelp review by a hipster bag raving about the authentic cultural experience… until now.

Mariscos Los Kabo’s is a Central American beer bar in the center of our fair city and is easy to miss unless you happen to notice faint glow of neon light and the drone of accordion music through the unassuming screen door. There are just a few caveats; the bar is cash only (but the beers only run a few dollars each), it may very well be a low key gay singles spot, the jukebox is quite loud and only loaded with songs in Spanish, and you will not find any Mariscos to speak of even though the bartender will bring you a bowl of peanuts and a plate of chopped cucumber and carrots doused with picante sauce when you order a beer. Yet, there is a quality Salvadorean / Honduran restaurant right next door and a burrito shack across the street if you feel a bit peckish.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own and we’ll find you.

Carpe Drink’em,

Brian & Travis, hosts

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

I’m not trying to be some kind of underground renegade. ~Alex Winter

Hinano Cafe
15 Washington Blvd.
Venice, CA 90292
map

In light of Venice’s rapid gentrification, it’s nice to know that there’s still a beach bar where you can get a cheap beer, shoot some pool, and mingle with local surfer bums, hippies, and the occasional gang member. Those places are all but gone. Hinano’s is the exception. Surrounded by trendy eateries with a high douchebag quotient, this surfer shack extraordinaire has embraced the Venice mentality over the years and maintains that laid back style today.

Hinano is adorned out front with a string of Christmas lights year round and aglow with neon within. Don’t let the ski-capped eastern-European doorman checking IDs fool you. You won’t find any Kolatchys in this bar, but rather a fine variety of draught beer, a delicious and affordable bar menu served throughout the night (try the burgers), and free popcorn courtesy of the stand-up machine in the corner. Bring enough change for the PacMan and pool tables and enough greenbacks to quench your thirst as Hinano is cash only. And don’t bother with the Valets on Washington right in front of the bar (yes, it’s gotten that bad). Park on Pacific or one of the other side streets.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

Tony’s Saloon
2017 E. 7th St.
Los Angeles, CA 90021
map

This Wednesday the tour will throw Los Angeles a bone. Or more specifically, throw the Los Angeles bar scene a bone. As a careful reader of this humble newsletter and as a casual attendee of the tour you will likely know that we consistently rage, rage against the dying of the light. For each dive bar where the spark of perfect accessibility is fed into the incinerator of velvet ropes, doormen, and cocktails sporting infusions of acai berries, we shed a tear and often light a few devotional candles to St. Petersburg del Florida, the patron saint of dive bars.

This week we visit Tony’s Saloon, which is not really a dive, but more of a neo-dive. Owned by the same group behind The Golden Gopher and Seven Grand, Tony’s is located at the far eastern extent of the normal dive bar territories, well off the beaten path, in the midst of the confounding hybrid industrial trendy loft landscape between Skid Row and the Los Angeles river. Tony’s offers a quality pool table, darts, and a ping pong table on the patio. There is free parking in the lot right next to the bar, but carpool if you plan on attempting to make your way through the whiskey list…. as it is much longer the those offered at our usual dives.

And, if the scene is just way to upstanding for your taste, feel free to head back west on 7th street a few blocks to Campers Corner; a dive so deep it doesn’t even have a yelp review to its name and may also be a check cashing service. We might just decline to join ya.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & where the hell is Travis? - WDBT Co-czars

"Everyone kept telling me, Just be yourself. Be yourself. I kept thinking, there’s got to be more to it than that!" -Tony Danza

Lost and Found
11700 National Blvd. #D
Los Angeles, CA 90064
map

Adventure stories are based on some heavily clichéd mechanics. One, something is lost. Two, something must be found. And that said thing is always hidden in a dusty old hidden room. This week the World Dive Bar Tour quests for our lost treasure, a cheap drink. Our journey takes us to the Lost and Found, in a remodeled strip mall that just reinforces the adage, "true beauty is on the inside." The faux classical facade of fading days of consumerism and capitalist glory gives way to the warm wood paneled walls and acoustical tiled ceiling of a bygone time festooned with the trappings of a well appointed secret chamber:

A fireplace for warmth.
A crooked pool table for the sharks.
A jukebox of classic rock and soul for the previous generation.
A fancy "new" electronic dart board.
A box to fill with toys for the underprivileged youth this holiday (or christmas if you are into the culture war and live on that side of the fence) season. Why not bring something to fill your spirit with the season’s joys.
A cigarette machine for those that smoke only while drinking.
A client base with more gray hair than a powder whig trade show circa 1753.
And a bartender named Steve; graduate of Reno High School Class of 1969 and attendant of the inaugural Class of Archie Clayton Middle School (where my Pop Warner football teams practiced back-in-the-day.)

At Lost and Found, one can all find that missing ark, those mystic stones, the chalice or at least drink to forget the one that slipped away. True to its time, the payment scheme is archaic for the 21st century but these credit-less times it is back in vogue - CASH ONLY. (An ATM is on-site buy stashed next to the cig vending machine in a corner of vice.) And on a last note, there’s $3 beer.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Brian, Sergeant of Arms and Legs