Whitehorse Inn
1532 N. Western Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

The Whitehorse Inn is a Hollywood institution and a true dive, down to the crimson and black decor, solid jukebox, cheap drinks, and eccentric patrons. In an eerie juxtaposition, though, there is also homey feel provided by its friendly elderly hostess passing around platters of chips, crackers, and microwaved hotdogs to you in the welcoming comforts and prelapsarian familiarity of the ratty couches in the sitting area, thus blending the emotions brought on by a traditional dive with those of your kind-hearted grandma’s living room.

Throw in the fact that the bar is situated under East Hollywood’s most popular hotel for transexual hookers and their clientele, and the bar begins to truly feel like a visit to grandma’s — if you and your grandmother both led sinful lives and reconvened in hell to reminisce on fond family memories. In short, it’s one of our favorite bars, and we do hope you’ll join us.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

"Poverty was an ornament on a learned man like a red ribbon on a white horse" - Anzia Yezierska  

Jumbo’s Clown Room
5153 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90027
map

As the name suggests, Jumbo’s Clown Room is a magical place that some would think lives only in the mind of an innocent child. It is a relief to us all that this land of prelapsarian wonder does exist, and it does so in an East Hollywood strip-mall, in a neighborhood predominantly consisting of Thai restaurants.

From the outside, Jumbo’s bears the same sort of anonymous facade as most destinations on the tour, but inside exists freakish, yet undeniably alluring sights and sounds worthy of P.T. Barnum himself. The drink selection and pricing is that of your standard Hollywood dive, and the jukebox is strictly rock and roll, with each song carefully selected by the outgoing and friendly employees. Credit cards are accepted, however it is encouraged that you bring cash. Preferably singles.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of big guys like you, pickin’ on a poor little orphan like him. Suppose you was torn away from your mother when you was just a baby. Nobody to tuck you in at nights. No warm, soft, caressin’ trunk to snuzzle into. How would you like to be left out alone, in a cold, cruel, heartless woild? And why? I ask ya, why? Just because he’s got those big ears, they call him a freak. The laughing stock of the circus. And when his mother tried to protect him, they threw her into the clink. And on top of that, they made him a clown! Socially he’s washed up! Ah, but what’s the use of talkin’ to you cold-hearted boids? Go ahead. Have your fun. Laugh at him. Kick him now that he’s down. Go on! I don’t care."

- Timothy Q. Mouse, Dumbo

Akbar
4356 W. Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90029
Map

In celebration of the inaugural of our nation’s 44th President, The World Dive Bar Tour this week visits Akbar — Los Angeles’s best dive with a scary, muslim-sounding name. Join us in celebration, or, if you’re one of those rare Hollywood Republicans, you can stop by and embrace the downfall of our civilization in this den of liberal debauchery, where "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" was long-ago abolished in favor of a highly gay-friendly dance floor.

And Republicans, if dancing isn’t your thing, the separate bar area is a great place to drown your sorrows on drinks that balance Bush Recession® prices with an elitist flair, including a Wednesday special of $4 Cosmopolitans. Or, take up smoking on the sidewalk of Sunset Blvd, because with Socialized Health Care on the way, you might as well take steps to ensure you’re getting the most out of those increased taxes.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

Jumbo’s Clown Room
5153 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

As the name suggests, Jumbo’s Clown Room is a magical place that some would think lives only in the mind of an innocent child. It is a relief to us all that this land of prelapsarian wonder does exist, and it does so in an East Hollywood strip-mall, in a neighborhood predominantly consisting of Thai restaurants.

From the outside, Jumbo’s bears the same sort of anonymous facade as most destinations on the tour, but inside exists freakish, yet undeniably alluring sights and sounds worthy of P.T. Barnum himself. The drink selection and pricing is that of your standard Hollywood dive, and the jukebox is strictly rock and roll, with each song carefully selected by the outgoing and friendly employees. Credit cards are accepted, however it is encouraged that you bring cash. Preferably singles.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em!

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of big guys like you, pickin’ on a poor little orphan like him. Suppose you was torn away from your mother when you was just a baby. Nobody to tuck you in at nights. No warm, soft, caressin’ trunk to snuzzle into. How would you like to be left out alone, in a cold, cruel, heartless woild? And why? I ask ya, why? Just because he’s got those big ears, they call him a freak. The laughing stock of the circus. And when his mother tried to protect him, they threw her into the clink. And on top of that, they made him a clown! Socially he’s washed up! Ah, but what’s the use of talkin’ to you cold-hearted boids? Go ahead. Have your fun. Laugh at him. Kick him now that he’s down. Go on! I don’t care."

- Timothy Q. Mouse, Dumbo

Whitehorse Inn
1532 N. Western Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

The Whitehorse Inn is a Hollywood institution and a true dive, down to the crimson and black decor, solid jukebox, cheap drinks, and eccentric patrons. In an eerie juxtaposition, though, there is also homey feel provided by its friendly elderly hostess passing around platters of chips, crackers, and microwaved hotdogs to you in the welcoming comforts and prelapsarian familiarity of the ratty couches in the sitting area, thus blending the emotions brought on by a traditional dive with those of your kind-hearted grandma’s living room.

Throw in the fact that the bar is situated under East Hollywood’s most popular hotel for transexual hookers and their clientele, and the bar begins to truly feel like a visit to grandma’s — if you and your grandmother both led sinful lives and reconvened in hell to reminisce on fond family memories. In short, it’s one of our favorite bars, and we do hope you’ll join us.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

“Poverty was an ornament on a learned man like a red ribbon on a white horse” - Anzia Yezierska

Spot Light Room
1601 N. Cahuenga
Los Angeles, CA 90028

The 2008 Valentines Day spectacular has arrived, and what better location than the only bar in Los Angeles where Czars on a scouting mission have ever received overt sexual advances from the management: Hollywood’s Spot Light Room, which stands alongside Power House as the last of the true dives remaining in Hollywood. On a corner of the Cahuenga Corridor overrun with upscale establishments for the “Hollywood” crowd, the Spot Light Room beams with immeasurable pride as the location most visitors to this stretch walk quickly past, with nary a thought to the glory inside.

A colorful flag adorns the outside, complimented by colorful neon beer signs on the inside, and as a point of curiosity, while the women’s restroom is locked up like a bank vault, the men’s room features the swinging saloon style doors befitting the entrance to any great dive. In this town of velvet ropes and burly doormen, the Spot Light Room welcomes all income levels, job descriptions, races, creeds, genders, ages, and sexual orientations in a wholehearted embrace into the bosom of its friendly hosts, regulars, cheap drinks, and plentiful bar games. In fact, play your cards right, gentlemen, and you’ll be granted passage to free rounds, Aretha Franklin jukebox songs dedicated in your honor, and a handwritten note with a phone number in Westchester.

For parking in this problematic Hollywood area, bypass the local valet stands and journey just south of Sunset and in the direction of Wilcox for a cornucopia of available spots, or drive up the ramp of the LA Film School (and former Klasky Csupo building) on Ivar and Selma, where if you can properly carry yourself like a douchebag film student past security, free parking is always available.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you, if the friendly regulars don’t find you first).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis - WDBT Co-czars

“Let me tell you a secret: I got a lot of money I can put in your hole”

-Co-Czar Damien’s Admirer

With apologies for the recent scheduling turmoil, The Valley Spectacular has been postponed in order to allow for the World Dive Bar Tour’s Emperor of Burbank and Protector of the Northern Territories, M. Gustavo DeKalb, ample time to prepare the badlands of "the Valley" for the tour’s triumphant arrival. Gustavo is presently doing his utmost to ensure that this strange and uncivilized land to the North will be ready, negotiating peace with the savage native tribes, and ensuring that the high standards expected of a WDBT destination will be in place, even in this barbarian frontier outpost of Burbank.

To make up to our followers for our fluctuating schedule, this Wednesday we put in the Valley Spectacular’s place a true gem of The Tour: Jumbo’s Clown Room, and offer a door prize of free appropriately-themed t-shirts to the first 3 ladies to arrive. Jumbo’s is, simply put, the nexus of Hollywood Dreams and economic reality. A modern day Schwab’s Pharmacy, where the spirit of Horatio Alger with an LA twist drives the courage, compassion, and determination of starlets in waiting, Jumbo’s Clown Room also offers moderately priced drinks, clown-themed decor, and, of course, entertainment.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00 . Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"Aw, being a clown sucks! You get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and admired by the elderly. Who am I clowning? I have no business being a clown! I’m leaving the clowning business to all the other clowns in the clowning business." - Homer J. Simpson

The Stone
5221 Hollywood Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90027

On a recent dive bar scouting trip, Co-Czars Alex and Damien stumbled their way into Thai Town landmark, The Stone. Impressed by the bar’s actual stone facade, the two entered to find remarkably friendly clientele who smiled pleasantly at the Czars upon their entrance. Once inside, the Czars were treated to cheap beers around the centrally located bar, two levels of comfortable lounging, and a decor of ancient Thai artifacts. The regulars were very interested in learning about the Co-Czar’s friendship, living arrangement, and whether or not the Czar’s were interested in something called "PNP".

These regulars covered a mix of demographics worthy of the great metropolis of LA, although on the night in question, very few women were present, and those in attendance were quite tall, with large hands and protruding Adam’s apples. Co-Czar Alex successfully obtained a phone number from one of them, but was thwarted in calling her three days later when a man, presumably her boyfriend, picked up the phone.

The dearth of females was all the more surprising given that the handsome bartenders were all shirtless, extremely out-going, and had minimal amounts of body fat. After a brief conference, the Czars concluded that, perhaps, women in LA simply aren’t attracted to effeminate, prepubescent-looking Thai men with minimal body hair. Which is a shame.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM an gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em (and yes, we’re really doing this),

Alex, Damien, & Travis, WDBT Co-Czars

"You need it so you don’t forget that there are places in this world that aren’t made out of stone. That there’s something inside that’s yours, that they can’t touch."

- Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption