World Dive Bar Tour

February 8th, 2012: Big Fish Bar & Grill

World Dive Bar Tour — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:56:34 +0000

WEDNESDAY, February 8th, 2012

Big Fish Bar & Grill
5230 San Fernando Rd
Glendale, CA 91209
map

In years past we have warned about those dive bars which exist ‘off the map’ in areas populated by sea monsters, valley dwellers, and porn stars. This weeks dive bar doesn’t find any of those aforementioned monsters- just one Big Fish, a strong nautical theme, and locals up to their gills in cheap booze.

The bar is a fish out of water on its lonely stretch of San Fernando Road. Bordered by train tracks, surrounded on all sides by nameless light industrial warehouses, and accessible to the rest of the city only by a complicated negotiation of freeway off ramps and frontage roads. The bar itself, while it doesn’t seem to have a grill of any sort, does offer a weekly lineup of karaoke, live music, and open mic stand up comedy. Blessedly Wednesdays are reserved for hard drinking, but steel yourself for the drunks at the bar. Happy hour starts early in this part of town.

As usual, the casual debauchery starts around 9PM and gets really interesting by 10:00. Come for one drink, or stay for one too many. Bring anyone and everyone, and join us for a great time in the middle of the week. If you arrive early or late, look for the people having a damn good time (it’ll be us), or start having a damn good time on your own (we’ll find you).

Carpe Drink’em,

Travis, host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

“Truth is, I’ve always been thirsty.”
~Senior Ed Bloom, Big Fish (2003)

January 25th, 2012: Mom’s

World Dive Bar Tour — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 19:40:52 +0000

WEDNESDAY, January 25th, 2012

Mom’s
12238 Santa Monica Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90025
map

Let us say it before you do. We have our doubts about Mom’s being capable of meeting WDBT standards.

There is a lot of pain and acrimony behind the opening of this bar, from the hostile takeover of one of West LA’s finest dives, Del’s Saloon, to the fact that the owner’s other establishment, The Backstage in Culver City, formerly a WDBT favorite, is now on the Tour’s RIP list of repro-bars who have grown into douche-laden cesspools of obnoxious debauchery.

At first blush it would seem this bar has everything a great dive should have. Cheap drinks. A great bar menu. Billiards and TVs tuned to sports. Like the Backstage, Mom’s does a lot of things right. They even offer a smoking/drinking patio (rare these days). But we cock our heads and squint with misgivings over certain “draws” like a dance floor, jello shots, and a photo booth.

Mom’s inception cost many tears in many beers. This bar’s penance will be paid only by demonstrating to the Tour that they’ve merely picked up where the previous tenant left off. Please join us and let us know if you think they did.

Carpe Drink’em,

Damien , Host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

January 11th, 2012: Smog Cutter

World Dive Bar Tour — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 04:38:51 +0000

WEDNESDAY, January 11th, 2012

Smog Cutter
864 N. Virgil Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90029
map

Some dive bars have no need for a glowing introduction. They simply exist, and will continue to exist, whether you like it or not. As to charms, the Smog Cutter has too few to mention, it is the antithesis of Hollywood nightlife. We at the World Dive Bar Tour wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Smog Cutter is generally shabby. The neighborhood is dodgy. The customer is most definitely wrong in all disputes. It has decrepit bathrooms. There is a rumor of vermin. And finally, the bartenders exhibit an overbearing insistence on Karaoke participation with a two drink minimum policy - two drinks which are not as cheap as typically found in such establishments. In short, the bar is perfectly bad in the finest divey manner. The only way it could be better (i.e. worse) is if they flaunted basic health and safety laws on a more predictable basis…..

Carpe Drink’em,

Travis, host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

Ray "Bones" Barboni: “I’m from Miami-fuckin’-Beach and you wanna show me the ocean, huh? And what about sun, does it ever shine around here, or is this smog around all the time?”
Limo Driver With Sign: “They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.”
Ray "Bones" Barboni: “That’s what they say, huh? What a bunch of fuckin’ bullshit.”
~Get Shorty(1995)

December 14th, 2011: Kibitz Room

World Dive Bar Tour — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:23:25 +0000

WEDNESDAY, December 14th, 2011

Kibitz Room
419 N. Fairfax Ave.
West Hollywood, CA 90036
map

Five thousand years of beautiful tradition has nothing on the twelve thousand years of imbibing. We, the World Dive Bar Tour, shall uphold this tradition for one last time in 2011. The end of the year means rushing from office to party, rushing from the office party, TV specials, gift procuring, and dangerous reflection on the waning year. This week, we tap the brakes on the holidays and bend an elbow at the Kibitz Room. L’Chaim!

Kibitz has been a stop on the WDBT for years due to its cool, dark charm and stiff pours. Come early, nosh next door at Canter’s and take the VIP entrance into the back of the bar straight from the restaurant. Or eat someplace decent and take the long, cave like Fairfax entrance. No matter how you come, bring some cheer, have a beer, and be merry.

This year, we’ll take advantage of some serendipitous seasonal timing to host a holiday gift exchange. If you’re inclined to participate schlep a wrapped gift ($20 or less) to the bar and expect some meshugenneh present-stealing game.

Carpe Drink’em,

The World Dive Bar Executive Committee

The 2012 World Dive Bar Tour will start out on January 11th at Smog Cutter.

Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

November 30th, 2011: The Joker

World Dive Bar Tour — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 01:01:41 +0000

WEDNESDAY, November 30th, 2011

The Joker
2827 Pico Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA 90405
map

We are happy to report that despite a recent drug bust at the Joker where a bindle of cocaine was found in the bathroom along with scales, packaging materials, and $5,000 cash in "undisclosed locations," this fine establishment remains open for business. We have not yet confirmed if the bartender who was arrested got her job back, but we’re certain that her consummate selling skills are an asset the owner of any bar would want behind the counter. We are lobbying him to promptly post her bail and restore her position.

While SMPD considers the Joker a "nuisance," we on the World Dive Bar Tour consider any bar where bottles are broken and cars are set ablaze in the parking lot a paragon of watering holes. Holding to values from a day long past where disputes were settled with fisticuffs or the occasional Molotov cocktail, by default we assume that the owner of the torched vehicle no doubt got his comeuppance and absolve the perpetrator from any wrongdoing.

Needless to say, Joker is lacking anything but character. Pictures of the eponymous Batman villain and other clowns adorn its walls along with other decorations indicative of a time when the "jokers" were the ones who went outside to smoke a cigarette.

Drinks here are some of the cheapest on the west side, and one could leave thoroughly lubricated for under $10. But Joker is cash only, so be sure to hit up the ATM ahead of time. And, there’s ample parking in the back.

Carpe Drink’em,

Damien, host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

November 2nd, 2011: The Beacon

World Dive Bar Tour — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 21:59:19 +0000

WEDNESDAY, November 2nd, 2011

The Beacon
950 W Manchester Blvd.
Inglewood, CA 90301
map

If there were a bar where the bulk of the patronage is probably relaxing after emptying a few clips at the gun range down the street or at the Randy’s donuts a little further down the street, it would probably be called The Beacon.

Located on the north-western edge of Inglewood, minutes from LAX, The Beacon stretches the traditional boundaries of the Tour, but it does so for good reason. It’s cheap — this is a dive bar economy. It’s filthy — no good dive passes health inspection with flying colors. The people inside have no teeth and smell like ashtrays (at least the ones there when they open for lunch do). And you won’t find a more hospitable place to spend a layover, drown a lay-off, or get laid back for miles.

There’s plenty of fun to be had here for under $10. Enjoy a $3.25 macro-brew to the sound of billiard balls cracking and the din of 747s touching down in the distance. The Beacon’s squalid interior is complemented by its drab and weathered exterior in the midst of a derelict neighborhood of 1-story commercial tenements. What a perfect place for a dive bar! Street parking is ample. They may or may not take credit, so come with cash in hand. There are no ATMs within walking distance.

Carpe Drink’em,

Damien & Curtis; hosts

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

October 19th, 2011: Hank’s Bar

World Dive Bar Tour — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 19:02:12 +0000

WEDNESDAY, October 19th, 2011

Hank’s Bar
840 S. Grand Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90017
map

Downtown is no longer the desolate place it once was. In years past, the empty spaces between the skyscrapers were more reminiscent of the American Southwest with silent breezes echoing between empty plazas. Today the hubbub of modern life has encroached, with kids from the suburbs shivering in lines outside of trendy nightclubs on Spring Street and searchlights seek meaning above LA Live.

There are a few nooks which still evoke the days of old downtown, and Hank’s Bar is one of these. It sits in the base of the seedy Stillwell Hotel, our second Hotel adjacent bar in as many dive bar outings. While just a stones throw from FDIM students picking out low fat salad dressing at the downtown Ralphs or v-neck t-shirts ordering cocktails at a 7th Street nuevo lounges, Hank’s bar has a spot at the bar for the working class patron who just wants a bud light, free popcorn, and a few songs on the jukebox. While it has been over two years since we have visited Hank’s, it still has ‘Yesterdays Charm’ as the bar’s motto states.

And best of all, two years ago in the small fish tank behind the bar, a young turtle swam endlessly against the flow of the recirculating pump - reminiscent of those old dive bars such as Charlie O’s and Crabby Joes who were powerless to resist the gentrification of the downtown scene. Today, thankfully, the turtle is fully grown, and Hank’s is still with us. May it always be so.

Carpe Drink’em,

Travis, Brian, and Neil; hosts

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

“Looking for peace is like looking for a turtle with a mustache”

Ajahn Chah

October 8th, 2011: 4th Annual SP Classic: Gold Line Tour

World Dive Bar Tour — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 21:39:34 +0000

SATURDAY, October 8th, 2011

4th Annual SP Classic: Gold Line Tour
First tee: Phillippe: The Original
1001 N. Alameda St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
map

With the success of the last year’s Red Line tour, we thought we would continue the San Pedro Classic with another golf-railway mash-up. We will tee off just outside of Union Station at Philippe’s and enjoy the history of railroads depicted on the walls. From there, we will all buy $6 Metro Day Passes (as a greens fee) and hop on the light rail to our next set of holes. We will continue following the Gold Line stopping at bars along the way until we reach Pasadena.

For those unfamiliar with the game, Bar Golf combines the best elements of a pub crawl with a variety of rules derived from that fabled club and ball sport invented by the Dutch and popularized by the Scotts. Each bar serves as a different hole, with a scorecard of drinks of varying difficulty corresponding to golf nomenclature of "Pars", "Birdies", "Eagles" and so on. Other familiar golf concepts also apply, including water hazards (vomiting penalty) and mulligans (spilt beverages). Bear in mind that, whereas in real golf, shooting a hole in one on every hole is merely highly improbable, in bar golf, attempting to do so will result in a hospital visit and stomach pumping. Bar golf is a sport of moderation and pacing, where the tortoise oftentimes does beat the hare.

Some of the holes we will be visiting include World Dive Bar Tour favorites like Hop Louie and Little Cave. We have added a number of new venues like Dusty’s Sports Bar, with all the trappings of a classic dive, and the Pasadena flavor of Freddie’s 35er.

Come to compete; come to caddy*; come to watch. Golf wear is encouraged and rewarded. If you want to compete or would like to volunteer to caddy, please RSVP to divebar@worlddivebartour.com (or post a note saying so on the Facebook invite wall) so that we can arrange transportation and caddies accordingly. This year’s winner will receive the coveted ‘green jacket’ with commemorative patch. Will the green jacket go to one of our loyal WDBT members or will another Obsidianite snatch victory out from underneath them?

Carpe Drink’em,

Nate

on behalf of the World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

* Caddy: Designated Driver, score keeper, shepherd

September 28th, 2011: Back Door Pub

World Dive Bar Tour — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 19:50:40 +0000

WEDNESDAY, September 28th, 2011

Back Door Pub
813 South Flower Street
Los Angeles, CA 90017
map

Often on the Tour we escort our debauched devotees to dive bar landmarks. On a rare occasion, however, we have the pleasure to introduce our well-versed followers to a true unknown.

This week we venture into a recessed corner of downtown to check into the Back Door Pub at the Milner Hotel. With an entrance located off of the alley, this dreary dispensary of domestic lager is not your typical hotel bar. And why would it be? The Milner doesn’t really attract the convention crowd, choosing instead to advertise its accommodations through scanned photographs of hand-written customer surveys on its website. Feedback includes something that reads like “Feculent Hotel,” but upon further inspection is actually “Excellent Hotel.”

Very reassuring.

Navigate the hotel’s rear alley entrance (or, for the less adventurous, the main lobby entrance) and you’ll find that the Back Door Pub is neither a pub, nor directly accessible through the back door. Rather, the entry is located in the middle of a hallway and the bar itself feels a lot like an unfinished basement. But what it lacks in decoration it makes up for in dive bar comforts. Take for the example the self-serve popcorn machine, or the jukebox in the entry way greeting you like an old friend. There’s even a Golden Tee machine shoe-horned into a shadowy corner. Did I mention two for $5 on beer and wine for $2 a glass? Whiskey is cheap, too, and it’s served by a fresh-faced bartender who should be showing you his ID. Nevertheless, the service is adequate and seating is plentiful so invite your friends over for a nightcap at the Back Door Pub.

Carpe Drink’em,

Neil, host

for The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

“Cause I’m a back door man/The men don’t know/But the little girls understand” – Willie Dixon, as interpreted by Jim Morrison

September 14th, 2011: Ye Rustic Inn

World Dive Bar Tour — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 13:32:46 +0000

WEDNESDAY, September 14th, 2011

Ye Rustic Inn
1831 N. Hillhurst Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027
map

“What is that smell?”

“Chicken Wings!”

This week we go old, medieval. Or country. The name is confusing. The place is dark. The window is blacked. The interior is illuminated by a handful of TVs, a tequila shrine and the radiance of the inhabitants. The music is loud and the roar of Bachman-Turner Overdrive is wholly appropriate. Because tourists, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Our stop is the Ye Rustic Inn. The name is confusing - everything else is straight forward. The wings are great. Do ye a favor and order a plate or do a favor for us all and get two. They have a late night happy hour that brings in the fun locals. And I don’t mean hipsters; they are across the street at The Drawing Room . Making an off color comment about Bristol Palin at the Rustic and you might meet the man that is producing her reality show or at least claims to be. (I hope he was telling the truth.) The Inn is perfect for a mid-week party and bullshit.

Carpe Drink’em,

The World Dive Bar Tour Executive Committee

“B-B-B-Baby, you just ain’t seen n-n-n-nothin’ yet” - BTO